Why can't I have my old life back?

Why cant I have my old life back? When my husband was here. What was wrong with that "old" life? Nothing was wrong, everything was okay. I had my best friend, my soulmate, my first love here with me. He was so carismatic, affectionate, caring, and a silly joker!. We had so much fun together. I could very well be myself when I was around him. We enjoyed watching t.v. , sports, family reunions were a must, and we enjoyed our company 100%. And more to say that we both loved being "parents" to our son, Sebastian. He just loved been a father so much and thanked me for making him a "father". My husband was just 29 years old and it was not at all his time to be taken away. Now, I think that my "old" life was ok?

This "new" life seems unfair, non-acceptable!. sad, depressing, with crying spells all the time, boring, not happy!. I cant accept this!. Then why cant I have the old life life back, I want it back now!.

 

Yesterday, was a bad night for me. I could not stop to cry when I realize that now it is only my son and I in our home. We are now so lonely and without my husband to protect us or give us his love and affectionate. Do not know for how long will this pain last?

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Permalink Reply by anna l. on August 22, 2011 at 2:32pm
Oh dear, this posting made me cry so bad.  You took all my chaiotic thoughts and put words to them. This is exactly how I have been feeling.  I too had found the perfect person for me, and cancer took him away so fast.  I guess we are all grieving not only our loved ones but the life we were blessed with for far to short a time.  Hugs from another wife without her husband.
Permalink Reply by Shantel Collins on August 31, 2011 at 3:05am
You have your son so you have to be strong. My brother died when he was only 17 and he was shot to death and we already had a messed up life of poverty and abuse He left me a niece. He didnt give up, so I won't either. Life is unfair. I realize that now. Life is also short, you will be with him again. Until then, our deceased loved ones have to live through us. They cant do that if we wont live. Evil cannot win, we have to fight to the very end. A negative person took my brother away, but that person cant take away my will to change things around.

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