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Permalink Reply by Eugenia Christine on January 12, 2010 at 6:30pm

I'm so sorry.
The last few years too have been met with a lot of loss, in 4 years we've lost both my parents, DH's grandmother, and my grandmother. I also recently found out a college friend has HIV (luckily she's doing well, so no immediate worries).
But I understand that feeling of "who next". I feel like there is almost no one left to loose, but I knot that's not true. It makes me a little paranoid actually about loosing my husband and my brother. If DH takes off his apneia mask in the middle of the night, I wake up and panic that he's going to stop breathing. When he worked downtown, if i didn't get responses to e-mails or texts i sent him, I'd log on to news sites to see if there had been a terrorist attack since he worked so close to Sears Tower, or a train accident. DB is 19 and living on his own and I constantly fear a call that a tatoo he got will be infected and kill him, or that he's going to come home from a club and someone will rob and kill him.
I know the chances of any of any of these things are small. I don't even tell people, or if I do, it's usually seen as a joke, and I play it off because I know it's crazy, but when everyone is gone, it's easy to get paranoid.

I'm sorry I don't have any advice, only virtual hugs to send, and to let you know, you aren't alone.

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Permalink Reply by Lindsey Barnett on January 12, 2010 at 10:14pm

You have been through a lot as well, I understand about being paranoid. I even get paranoid about something happening to myself. I am a single mother to a 2 and a half year old and sometimes I worry constantly about not even living to raise my daughter. I have so much anxiety, and I know it is due to the fact I have lost so many people. It doesn't sound crazy at all to me. I'm sorry about your parents. I currently live with mine for financial reasons and I could not imagine life without them. They are two of the most important people in my life. I did get good news tonight that my friend who I thought had liver cancer has fibromialgia instead, which still is not good, but it isn't an immediate threat like cancer. Thank you for replying to my post. Just know you aren't alone with being paranoid...like you said "when everyone is gone, it's easy to get paranoid."
Keep your spirits up. :o)

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Permalink Reply by Eugenia Christine on January 13, 2010 at 6:24am

I'm glad you're friend's condition is not cancer. Fibromialgia isn't good to deal with, but at least you'll have each other for a while, especially since it sound like you're both still dealing with the loss of your other friend. ::HUGS::.

I can see how it would be easy to be paranoid about yourself having kids. Keep strong though, and keep leaning on your family and friends around you. They'll help you through. :-)

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Permalink Reply by Lindsey Barnett on January 12, 2010 at 10:18pm

Bless your heart, that is so much to deal with on your part. I hope and pray your grandmother will pull through. I lost my best friend in August. He committed suicide, and it is so hard to deal with because he left such a huge void in our group of friends. You are such a strong person to make it through those losses. I'm 23 and I can honestly say it has taken such a huge toll on my life. But never give up, no matter how hard things get. Thanks for your reply!

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Permalink Reply by Eugenia Christine on January 13, 2010 at 6:33am

Oh honey. That's young to loose people close. And I understand the loosing of a dog as well. :/
I remember loosing a kid in my school at that age. We knew each other, but weren't friends, just classmates and in the drama club. But when he died, it still had a major effect. Loosing someone close that young isn't easy.

Mortality starts hitting in when you loose people, especially so young. Keep the faith dear. It doesn't always sink in right away. Keep the faith. It will get better. :)

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