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Permalink Reply by Cynthia Horacek on August 13, 2011 at 11:48am

Babs -

My husband was cremated, so on special days, and even on not so special days, I spread some of his ashes.  for example, on his birthday, I went up a trail we used to hike on, and left some of his ashes there.  If your loved one was buried, going to the gravesite and planting something, like flowers if you're allowed to (it seems nowadays they don't want people doing that...) but some kind of ritual you create may help.  Maybe if you have a shrine or an alter, burning a candle or something like that.  If you're religious and have a church or synagog, going and saying a special prayer... create something that has meaning for you, that also would have meant something to your loved one.  Did he have a favorite color, or a favorite saying or poem you can read to him?  Placing stones on the grave is also a ritual; planting a rose bush in your yard in his honor... when you decide what to do, please let us know!  

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Permalink Reply by BS on August 13, 2011 at 5:58pm

My Grandma died in December 2010 so her anniversary is still a few months away, but for her birthday the family met at the grave site and we blew up balloons and wrote something special on them and let them go.  One of our plans for her 1st year anniversary is to put a picture of her along with a poem in the local newspaper.

 

Hope it helps

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Permalink Reply by Stefanie Parise on August 13, 2011 at 8:05pm

Around last Christmas I drew this in memory of my Dad, since I live too far away to visit his gravesite: click here

 

I tend to get really depressed on and around his birthday and death anniversary (which are approximately a week away from each other - the whole month of March is pretty bad for me). However, since I can't call him I try to get in contact with my closer family members - so you can do that if you have anyone close you feel comfortable calling. Everyone else had great suggestions, though. Just some sort of tradition or ritual you can feel good about doing in honor of your loved one. I have found it hard to do, but it does feel good to celebrate their life.

 

Good luck, Babs.

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Permalink Reply by Carly Michelle Hoskins on August 13, 2011 at 9:42pm

My friend Tyler died August 4, 2009 to the "choking game." This year on his angel day we sent off balloons with choking game awareness letters. Last year, his mother and sister, my sisters, my mother, and I were at the beach on his angel day, so we did a "message in a bottle" thing. We also walked up and down the boardwalk and told people about the choking game.

If Steve's death was caused by something that could eventually be stopped, maybe you could do something special to raise awareness.

God bless.

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Permalink Reply by Babs on August 14, 2011 at 10:52am

Thank you so much for your replies, anniverseries are such difficult times, Nothing quite seems to do him or the day justice. One thing that is very hard is that I have no one to share it with as I know nobody who knew him, I do write poetry so can maybe read him some, I am sure he would love to hear them, he always encouraged my creativity. He died of a stroke caused by high blood pressure at 42 years old. He was a volunteer for the samaritans (a charity operating a 24/7 phone line for people in severe distress) in case you don't have them in the US. At christmas I asked for donations to the samaritans instead of cards which I think I will do every year, May go down to the samaritans office and see if I can donate a plant to them or something in his honour. Am also going to order a red rose bush called "thinking of you" to plant in my garden and make hearts out of the petals next year. Steve's birthday is also just a couple of weeks apart from the anniversary of his death. Thank you all once again for writing it helped me to think. Lots of love. Babs

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Permalink Reply by Adriene M. Peruzzi on August 20, 2011 at 3:34pm

Today marks 3mos anniversary of my grandma's death. I went to the coffee house and had a mocha in her honor. I am not sure what I will do as time goes on but for now that helped me. I also went to the local grave yard because my Grandma is buried in CA and I am in TN so I decided to go to my father in laws grave and say a prayer while standing near his grave. Told my father in law that I was doing that because grandma is out of state. I said a nice prayer to grandma and told her how much I miss her and that I love her very much and that life has been so hard for me since she left. I cried and just let it out.

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Permalink Reply by Cynthia Horacek on August 20, 2011 at 4:01pm

I don't intend to challenge anyone's personal belief system, but Adriene, I believe that even tho your grandma's body is buried in another state, her spirit or soul is still with you; I believe that she knows when you need her and she is there for you, so talk to her. Maybe it would help to put up a picture of her and make a little alter, or shrine, in your home; light a candle, or put a fresh flower in a vase for her.  Something of that nature.  

Just my thoughts.

 

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Permalink Reply by Adriene M. Peruzzi on August 20, 2011 at 5:12pm

Cynthia, I already have many pictures on the wall in my home and have a grandma memorial. I just needed to go to a grave and my father in law is buried here. so I thought it was a creative idea and it helped me a lot. sorry if it offended you. but it really helped me doing what I did.

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Permalink Reply by Cynthia Horacek on August 20, 2011 at 8:04pm

I'm sorry; I wasn't at all offended!  I hope I didn't offend you!  I think that we each need to do whatever works best for you.  Going to your father in laws gravesite was a very good, creative way to take care what you needed!  Please forgive my not being very clear!

 

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