Valentines Day , An Emotional Moment

Please allow me to introduce myself, My name is Basil Reyna and I lost my partner Tom Huber in May on Mother's Day 2010, May 9th to a heart attack. Tom was an avid Hockey Fan and he loved to drink red wine. Today has been extremely emotional for me because it's Valentine's Day. I would receive a bundle of red roses from Tom and he would place in the bundle two yellow roses which represented he and I. I loved Tom to the day he died and still continue to love him even after death. It's been a hectic emotional grieving process for me. I sought a grief counselor and I see him once in a while, but still the pain comes and goes. Tom was going through Cancer treatment of Liver and Lung and his counts were doing very well.. He found out in early september of 2010 that he was diagnosed. So we opted for treatment.  By January his tumor had shrunken from 11 cm to 3 cm.  He was well on his way to recovery from the Cancer, but unfortunately he couldn't continue the treatment due to a secondary infection which regressed the treatment and the Cancer started coming back. Tom later died of Heart Attack on May 9th. Tom already had a weak heart to begin with. When I met him he had heart arithmia, and doctors could never get his heart in sync.  I had joined a group called GayandLesbianWidows.com and it has been helpful for me coping with Tom's death, but at the same time, you have to experience this to know what it's like. Not a day goes by that I don't have Tom on my mind. Sometimes I feel I reach out to others for the wrong reasons and I look to God for Guidance.  I hope that you all who read this can understand what it's like to lose a loved one. 

 

Basil 

 

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Permalink Reply by charlene aragon on February 14, 2011 at 10:59pm

Hello Basil

I am so sorry for your loss, it sounds like your partner went thru alot of discomfort, and you as well.  You and your partner had a ray of light there for a moment and unfortunatly it was taken away, and that has to be the hardest thing.

Today is also a challenge for me, it's my anniversary and I jst lost my husband 5 weeks ago, I came on here hoping I could find help with coping.  Take care..

Permalink Reply by Trisha H on February 15, 2011 at 2:25pm
Valentines Day was also an anniversary date of sorts for me as well. It was a  year ago that my Mom went into the hospital only to never leave it. All i can offer to you is understanding...sympathy and to tell you that it really is one minute at a time. You are taking the right steps for healing but it is a long long journey. Allow yourself to grieve....dont try to rush the process. Find your peace and some kind of happiness in your own time and your own way. You know that is what your partner would want and that is the greatest gift you can give him, to honor his life and your love. Sending you hugs and support.
Permalink Reply by Basilio F. Reyna on February 15, 2011 at 7:01pm

Thank you for your kind words.. I also just heard today that my father is in the Hospital and is fighting Lung Cancer. I don't know much about his status as I just found out today.. It's just another bomb shell in my life, but I know God will not give us anything we can't handle. I live 9 hrs from my father. There is a lot happening in my life right now.. this is not something I wanted to hear. I know that my father may not last as long as my family thinks because he's very frail, but I hope and pray that I get through this as well.. don't know how much more sad news I can handle.. 

Sorry for your loss Trish, but we're all in the same boat and hope we can all use each other to find comfort in our journey and move on in our lives with out our loved ones.. 

 

Love and Light.. 

Basil 

Permalink Reply by Basilio F. Reyna on February 15, 2011 at 6:56pm

I'm sorry about your loss, sometimes we feel like we're the only ones that understand this.. 

I don't know if Tom's friends just disappeared and couldn't deal with his loss.. It's been almost a full year and I haven't heard from any of his friends .. I'm very upset that this happened, because I feel even more lonely. None have called and asked how I was doing. I guess in a way, they are waiting for me to grieve, but it's hard when you don't hear from anyone who was involved in our lives before. 

I just heard today that My father is in the Hospital and this was another blow because he's also going through Cancer as well. He's not doing too good either.. I don't know how I will deal with this as well because my father is 9 hr drive away from me. My heart is in pain for my mother who has been very strong through all of this, but I don't know what she's feeling right now. I'm almost numb today. 

Come on here as much as you like because people on here , even though we don't know them personally are very helpful in getting us through this journey. It is a very long process especially if you lose a partner.. Totally different from a family member.. I can assure you of that.. 

Best Wishes and I will pray for you Charlene! Chin up.. we're in the same boat! 

Love and Light.. 

Basil 

Permalink Reply by jude colangelo on February 22, 2011 at 5:29pm

Oh Basil, so sorry about Tom and now your dad!  My dad is 95 and recovering from surgery to remove throat cancer.

My boyfriend died unexpectedly on February 13.  trying so hard to remember what life was like "before".  Trying to imagine that someday I'll actually feel hope again.

God is good, though, and carries me ~ I sure can't do this myself.  I know He's going to do the same for you.

♥ jude

Permalink Reply by Judi Cozzi on February 23, 2011 at 6:20am

Hi Basil,

My name is Judi, I'm new here and just now read your post. My heart goes out to you. I'm very sorry for your loss. I too, have lost my partner. She was 42. She died on Sept. 19, 2010. She had Cancer. Please know that you are not alone in this struggle. There are many of us out here, all in the same boat. I get some comfort reading the posts of others on this site, knowing I am not the only one. I am no stranger to death as I have lost my younger brother and both my parents. However, as you know, a partner is a different thing. I wish you strength in your battle. I will keep you in my prayers, Basil. Just know that you are not alone, and there is always someone to reach out to.

                                                                                                           Hope & Peace,  Judi

Permalink Reply by jude colangelo on February 23, 2011 at 6:48am

So sorry, Judi. Hope you are finding hope and peace yourself.

♥ jude

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