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Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on January 11, 2017 at 12:08pm

so sorry on yore loss had so mush multi loss sisne 2012 thn nov had 2 get my fur kid of 16 yrs put 2 sleep wish kl d nely kild me ot did 

my moms ill shes got dem/alz so i no she not goin2 get ber betr shes not 

i cum on hear idnt feal so alon on hear coz i no evry loss is difrnt it is but all loss can be very panfull iv had pepel tell me get ovr its esy by pepe its not had loss or he wz only yore dad get ovr i cnt get over i nevr will il nveer get usd 2 it jut ha 2 lern 2 liv wif it i will evry 1 i loss i miss thm i do iv evn pepe n bean tld im grivin for ateson wish i no im not its misin persn im misin  on me its lk baby stepp i do ok thn s 1 els i no dies or luvs dies im bk 2 sq  agan 

sorry if im rantin 2 mush

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Permalink Reply by Louise on January 11, 2017 at 2:04pm

Pamela,

I agree with every word. Thank you for writing this. What someone feels is never wrong, everyone is different and we should all learn to be more accepting of each other and not so judgemental. I was really upset by the "wallowing" comment too; I thought this was a place for people to say the things they feel they can't elsewhere for fear of judgement, to support each other and not feel so alone in their pain, it's not about validating self pity. Like you I agree that if someone has found a way to be happy and move on, then that is their journey and there's nothing wrong with that either. But those who are struggling and who continue to do so should never be criticised for it. There is no timeframe for grief, there is no right or wrong way. Empathy and understanding go a long way.

Xxxxxx

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Permalink Reply by Pamela philipp on January 11, 2017 at 3:58pm

Louise thankyou it's true empathy does go a long way that's the whole purpose of this website so we could vent and not feel judged about how we feel or how long we grieve and we the grieving (not wallowing) are on this site for however long we need to be it doesn't matter how much time has passed.

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Permalink Reply by bluebird on January 11, 2017 at 11:21pm

Pamela,

That's horrible that you lost your mother and your husband so close to each other. I'm sorry.

As for people who criticize or accuse you of "wallowing" -- my advice is to ignore them.  Clearly they experience and deal with their grief in a vastly different way than you do, which is fine but their way is their way, and you should feel no pressure to conform to it. 

Like you, I simply exist, and barely. I do not want to exist, at least not in this life. I know my family will be hurt when I die, and I do not want that, but neither do I want whatever remains of my life (other than wanting to outlive our cat, as I love him and he needs me to care for him).

If someone doesn't understand the depth of your grief, and tries to tell you how you "should" be, in my opinion the best thing to do is set them straight about how it actually is for you.  Either that, or ignore them.  Or, if they persist in thinking they know what's best for you and persist in telling you so, then tell them to fuck off (well that's what I would do, anyway -- not everyone is comfortable with such language, so you say whatever works for you).

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Permalink Reply by Pamela philipp on January 12, 2017 at 7:52pm

Thankyou bluebird I appreciate what you said and you are right

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Permalink Reply by bluebird on January 12, 2017 at 8:19pm

You are very welcome, Pamela. {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

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Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on January 12, 2017 at 9:29am

all i no i i wish i cud run 2 go s wear wear no 1 can tell me way i shud feal i no s 1 got anodyed it me for getin upset over lozin my cat of 16 yrs she wz only 1 it  got me thru a lot of multi los she did aftr  my dad died i seam 2 hav a loss evry monthh i did thn agan in 2013 evn 2014 2015 2016 lst on hear i can say how i feal lst on hear iv not bean tld its not slf pity im aftr coz its not it s sad loss of pepel iv loss i hav

i wud nvr tell pepel off over a loss i wud not evn s1 loss ther bugie i wud tell thm im so sorry abot it i wud 

i no pelee on hear hav loss pets 2 wish thy r famly 2 thy r i no my dad wud of bean in bits if hed bean hear 2 day lozin her he wud of

now oms got dem/alz its lk she lzoin evryhng 2 her mnd acsuin us of stelin off her i no no wen she goz il probly be livin on sts i will 

 

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Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on January 12, 2017 at 2:40pm

thnx

my cat of 16 yrs wz mor undstanin thn humens cud be i wud cry on her fur wen my dad died she wud lic me is 2 say sorry humn mom shes gon now

iv 2 new kittys i luv dealy i do 2 

iv noted cats dogs seam 2 hav mor hume humenn fealins thn pepel do thy dnt tell us way we feal juts look it us 2 say sorry ill pet ug u hug u

i no moms not get betr shes not its agrevs behav syco mo shes gets  she can be ok 1 sec thn nxt sec lk a tornadoo in sky she can be 

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Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on January 24, 2017 at 4:46pm

no 1 gets it till it hapens 2 thm thn thy dnt get it still evn i dnt deep in me all i say s whu why why why

i ask am i a nasty persn i do 

is t my falt i ask i do

i ask a 1000000000000000000000000 qus or mor evry day i do

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