Hi, everyone.  I'm probably in a category of my own here, I am grieving over the death of an ex-boyfriend.  He was in my life for almost two years and we were close enough that it was like a marriage.  Then he suddenly left me 9 months ago and I grieved over his rejection, had a terrible time moving on and getting over him.  Then two weeks ago I heard he committed suicide.  He had bipolar depression (unknown to me until later), and lots of other problems he was kind of hiding from.  I am not sure what made him go to such drastic measures.  Anyway now I am grieving his loss.  I never stopped loving him, even after he left me, and he was still special to me to the end.  During a time when we were having some bitterness between us after he left he blocked me from his Facebook.  And he never un-did it.  Now while others are posting tributes to his page, I have to have a friend do one or two for me on my behalf.  That makes me feel kind of left behind.  The rebound girlfriend he ran off to is the one in the spotlight, which bugs me.  They were only together about 7 months and he was depressed and suicidal the entire time he was with her.  Supposedly she had broken things off with him just a week before.  But it wasn't her he killed himself over, he had other significant things going wrong.  Anyway, since grieving is such an individual thing and sometimes families and friends make us feel worse instead of better, I think it helps to talk to people completely anonymous like this, who are going through the same kind of thing.

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You have still suffered a loss, and of course you are grieving.  I hope you know that his suicide was not your fault.  Are you able to talk to some mutual friends and/or his family, about him? If so, that might help you.

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Speed Weasel commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
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Addie replied to Kali's discussion It was not supposed to be like this in the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
"Kali I’m so so sorry you are going through this. Grief is hard enough, but going through it secretly, all the while having to continue showing up for your kids, is just brutal. Perhaps your friend was careful to hide your conversations behind…"
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It was not supposed to be like this

In 2014 I met the most amazing man ever. We were both in our very early 20s and were looking for different things at the time. We ceased communication for roughly 6 months. During which time, he completed basic training and joined the Air Force. By the time we reconnected he was already at his first duty station.. 8 hours away.We decided we wanted to continue our relationship and proceeded to cultivate a deeply emotional connection. Regular calls and video chats, visits while he was home on…See More
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