Freedom 1:  You have the freedom to realize you grief is unique

Your grief is unique.  No one else will grieve in exactly the same way. Your experiences will be influenced by a variety of factors: the relationship you had with this persn who died, the cricumstances surrounding the death, your emotional support system and yor cultural and religous background..  As a result, you will grieve in your own special way.  Don't try to compare your experience with that of other people. Don't adopt assumptions about how long your grief should last.  Consider takeing a "one day at a time" approach that allows to grieve at your own pace.

Freedom 2:  You have the freed totalk about your grief

Express your grief openly.  By sharing your grief outside yourself, healing occurs.  Ignoring your grief won't make it go away, talking about it often makes you feel bettter.  Allow yourself to speak from your heart, not just your head.  Doing so doesn't mean your are losing control or going "crazy", it is a normal part of your grief journey.

Finding caring friends and relatives who will listen without judging.  Seek out those persons who will walk "with" , not "in frontof" or "behind" you in your journey through grief.  Avoid persons who are critical or who try to steal your grief from you.  They may tell you "Keep your chin up", or "carry on", or "be happ'.  While these comments may be well intended, you do not have to accept  them.  You have a right to express your gried, no one has the right to take it away.

Freedom 3:  YOu have the freedom to expect to feel a muiltitude of emotions.

Experiencing loss effects your head, heat, and spirit.  Consequently, you may experience a variety of emotions as part of your grief work.   Confusion, disorganization, fear, guilt, relief, or explosive emotions are just a few of these emotions.  Somtimes these emotions will follow each other within a short period of time, or they may occur simultaneously.

As strange as some of these emotions seem, they are normal and healthy.  Aloow yourself t learn from these feelings.  And don't be surprised if out of nowhere you suddenly experience surges of grief, even at the most unexpected times.  These grief attacks can be frightening and leave you feeling overwhelmed.  They are, however, a  natural response to the death of somone loved.  Find someone who understands your feelings and who will allow you talk about them.

Freedom 4:  You have the freedom to allow for numbness

Feeling dazed or numb when someone dies is often part of your early grief experience.  This numbness serves a valuable purpose: it gives your emotions time to catch u p with what your mind had told you.  This feeling helps create inslation from the reality of the death until you are more able to tolerate what you don't want to believe.

Freedom 5:  You have the freedom to be toleratant of your physical and emotional limits

YOur feelings of loss and sadness will probably leqave you fatigued.  Your ability to think clearly and make decisions may be impaired.  And your low-energy level may naturally slow you down.  Respect what your body and mind are telling you.  Nurture yourself.  Get daily rest.  Eat balanced meals.  Lighten your schedule as much as possible.  Caring for yourself doesn't meant feeling sorry for yourself, it means you are using survival skills.

Freedom 6:  You have the freedom to experience grief attacks or memory embraces

Some times out of nowhere, you may have a surge of grief come over you.  This can be frightening and leave you overwhelmed. These grief attacks or memory embraces are normal and natural.  Find someone who understands, who will let you talk this out.

Freedom 7:  You have the freedom to devlop a support system

Reaching out to others and accepting support is often difficult, paticulary when you hurt so much.  But the most compassionat self-action you can do at this difficult time is to find a support system of caring friends and relatives who will provide the understanding you need.   Find those people who encourage you to be yourself and acknowledge your feeliings-both happy and sad.

Freedom 8:  You have the freedom to make use of ritual.

The funeral ritual does more than acknowledge the death of someone loved.  It helps provide you with the support of caring people.  Most importantly, the funeral is a way for you to express your grief outside yourself.  If you eliminate this ritual, you often set yourself up to repress your feelings.  You also cheat everyone who cares of a chance to pay tribute to someone who was, and always will be, loved.

Freedom 9:  You have the freedom to embrace your spirituality

If faith is  a part of your life, express it in ways that seem appropriate to you. Allow yourself to be around people who understand and support your religous beliefs.  If you are angry at God because of the death of someone you loved, realize this feeling as a normal part of your grief work.  Find someone totalk with who won't be critical of your feelings of hurt and abandonment.

You may hear someone say, "With faith, you don't need to grieve."  Don't believe it.  Having your personal faith does not insulate you from need to talk out and explore your thoughts and feelings.  To deny your grief is to invite problems that build up inside you.   Express your faith, but express your grief as well.

Freedom 10:  You have the freedom to allow a search for meaning

You may find yourself asking "Why he or she die?" "Why this way?' "Why now?"  This search for meaning is often another normal part of the healing process.  Some questions have answer. Some do not.  Actually, the healing occurs in the opportunity to pose questions, not necessarily in answering them.  Find a  supportive friend who will listen responsively as you search for meaning.

Freedom 11:  You have the right to treasure your memories

Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after someone loved dies.  Treasure the.  Share them with your family and friends. Recognize that your memories may make you laugh or cry.

In either case, they are a lasting part of the relationshippp that you had with a very special person in your life.

Freedom 12:  You have the freedom to move toward your grief and heal

The capacity of love requires the mecessity to grieve when someone love dies.  You cannot heal unless you openly express your grief.  Denying your grief will only make it become more confusing and overwhelming.  Embrace your grief and heal.

Reconciling your grief will not happen quickly.  Remember, grief is a process, not an event.  Be patient and tolerant with yourself.  Never forget that the death of someone loved changes your life forever.  It's not that you won't be happy again.  It's simply that you will never be exactly the same as you were before the death.