soulmates

     on April 8th,, my husband, best friend, and soulmate.. died from esophageal cancer!!!  he had wanted to die at home with me beside him,, and that is exactly what happened..hospice was coming to our home to help take care of him, as he couldn't get out anymore,, we were married for almost 30 years!!! and to top it off,, exactly 2 weeks after he died,,, our first grandchild,, was born,,,,a granddaughter,,,jim had seen a 3d ultrasound of her and in it she looked just like our daughter when she was newborn!! so he was excited at the idea of her coming....but he just couldn't hang on any longer I guess... I know its been 3 months,, but im going crazy with missing him being here...our friends all helped out the first 4 weeks but now,, they pretty much stay to themselves.. this just makes me sadder and lonlier... I thought I knew what grief was  but the death of my spouse has taken something out of me,, I don't think it will ever go away..i hate this so badly,,, and I need my good friends.. why did they just  leave me alone like  this?

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Permalink Reply by Jean on July 21, 2014 at 11:06pm

It has been a year and a half since my mother passed away. I was her caretaker here at our house where she has a room. I still cannot go into her room without breaking down. Today I thought maybe I should get rid of everything including the house and start over. Then I thought no that would make me sad too. My friends have not been around as much either. I guess with our age, I am 51 and been with my spouse for 36 years this August. I think the friends have health issues in their families also? I have not worked in over 2 years so that keeps me home most of the time now. Mother left me as the new family matriarch and there are days I wonder if I can handle it all.

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

This is a really nice place to vent.

Permalink Reply by Sandi on July 25, 2014 at 11:01pm
I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I lost my husband of 38 years on June 23, 2014 of lung cancer. I had hospice for 1 week before he passed. We also had a deal that we would go at home with each other there. I followed thru but it sure is not of much comfort! I am so devastated and lost I don't know where it begins or ends. I'm sorry I can't offer you any words of encouragement because I have not found them myself. Everyone says it will get better. BS, they obviously have not been where I am!

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