So few left

Hello.  To start I’m 33 currently.  I lost my sister in 2007, and that has been the most difficult loss.  My mother soon followed in 2008. My sister was 29 and my mother was 49. My aunt was next and then I had a short break.  My childhood best friend, family essentially, was killed by a drunk driver in 2015.  My younger cousin died next and in 2016 my grandmother died.  I am hoping to have a longer truce with death.  I get overwhelmed sometimes missing them all. My sister and mother hit me the worst.  My sister was so unexpected.  Also I have so few family members left.  I wish I had a bigger family, and find myself envious at times when people have so many loved ones (when they are balanced) to bond with and spend time with.  I’m sure others feel this way but I know no one who has had multiple main family member loss, except me.  I am grateful I have my brother and two nieces from my sister, but I live away from them with my husband.  Those 4 people are what and who I have.  One day I hope to build a family of my own from friends.  (No kids for me, and I’m happy about this).  One day.  

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Permalink Reply by Jean on February 2, 2018 at 11:58pm

Hi, you are not alone in losing so many so soon. My family is pared down also. This new "reality" hit home 5 years ago this month when my mother passed away. She left me here to deal with the ones left until I die.  Now we, my husband and I have started losing friends too. We also decided not to have kids. I still stand by that decision. So that leaves me to wrap everything up and turn out the lights. It is a lot of work and drags me down. I still have so much to get done. Feeling sad. Missing my mother. We will just have to keep going as best we can. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? Losing a dear friend to a horrible wreck really knocked the wind out of us 9 months ago. We are doing our best to enjoy whatever time we have left. 

Permalink Reply by Crystal K on March 18, 2018 at 3:55am

Hi Camren. I feel the same way you do. I lost my grandma in 2014 and now my mom last year. They were the only two people closest to me. My grandmas death was sad but she was 83 so I was thankful that she had a long life. My mother died unexpectedly 8 months ago and I have never been the same since. I am only 25. And the thought of living without my mom for the next 30-40 years horrifies me. If my grandma was still alive, it would make it a little better. But now anyone that was a mother figure is gone. I lost my closest uncle in 2012 as well. My family has lost so many, but my mother’s death has hit me the hardest. I am loat, heartbroken, and angry at the world- angry at my situation. I hate seeing other girls my age with their mothers... hate is a strong word but thats how I feel cause Im mad as hell that my mom isnt here with me. I have sisters but i feel disconnected from them. I was my moms caretaker so I feel partially responsible for her death. They are probably mourning in their own way but Im the one who returned to our mother’s home after her funeral, Im the one who has to fight tears everytime I pass by our old home or any other place because anything and everything reminds me of her. (My sisters live in another country). Everywhere I go, I see my mom. It breaks my heart and I am now seriously considering moving out of this state because I cannot take it. I feel so alone. My mom was everything. Dad is nonexistent. I feel so alone. 

Permalink Reply by Frances Koonce on August 1, 2018 at 9:43pm

Dear Crystal - it’s been a while since you’ve been online here, I just wondered how you are doing ?

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