On this bright and early morning of Black Friday, when I have already been up since 1:30.I still ponder the pointlessness of it all.  I post this little ditty about my feelings on the holidays

REQUIEM

THIS UNWELCOME SEASON OF SOLITUDE,  IMBUED OFTEN WITH TEARS  AND AS OFTEN WITH THE HOPE OF A FINAL WISH…A SEASON’S  BLESSING POSSIBLY. NOW THAT SHE HAS LEFT ME AND THE DAYS  GROW SHORTER AND DARKER AND THE OPENING OF THE DOOR BY FAMILIAR HANDS DOESN'T COME ANYMORE AS IF LOST ALONG THE WAY.  I DO NOT LOOK FORWARD TO THE BLEAK UNSETTLING  CHILL OF THE HOLIDAY SEASON.  SOME  DISFIGURED MOCKERY….I WOULD RATHER PREFER AN ENDLESS SLEEP AND A JOYOUS REUNION WITH MY BRIDE.  I WOULD DIE AND IT WOULD BE THE BEST THING.

Mel

Views: 197

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

I feel the same way. Very difficult. Tell me there is hope, please.

Hey Michael......I wrote that little verse at 3am this morning. I was thinking about the holidays kicking in and all the time Nancy and I spent fighting the mall traffic, the people, the sales clerks and how much we hated that part of the holiday. But then I fixed on the reality of my loss this year..the fact that Nancy is gone forever. Something I didn't feel last season..I was numb. Not this year. But, I have been anticipating this time of year for quite a long time. I am certain these painful emotions will ease up a bit after the holidays are over but, for me, this stabbing, burning sense of desperation, sadness and loss will continue. Like you and many others here, we just don't get over losing our best friends, soul mates, confidantes, counselors, lovers and so much more and knowing they wouldn't want us to feel this way really doesn't ease the pain. All I do is always pray for each of us here on the grief site and hope that this awful pain of loss, somehow, someday will be a little better understood. God bless you!

Amen to your requiem......

Solitude is the correct word! I sit here tonight, and I actually "hear" the silence! I hate it; it is deafening, lonely, sad, and unbearable. I have to get up soon since I feel like I am in that movie where I am the only person left on earth - I will go do the usual - turn on the TV for some human voice to break the stillness.
Peace to all - I keep saying that, but I do not think any of us really feels much peace when we there is such a longing in us.

RSS

Latest Activity

Gary Ruby is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Tuesday
Julie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Nov 5
Speed Weasel commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"GriefShare is a church based support group. They do have meetings online, but the usual format is a group of people experiencing a loss getting together weekly to watch videos (13 weeks total) about grief and loss. After the video, we talk about the…"
Oct 21
Natasha commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"is griefshare a website like this?"
Oct 21
dream moon JO B updated their profile
Oct 16
Morgan Sangrouber is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Oct 10
Addie replied to Kali's discussion It was not supposed to be like this in the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
"Kali I’m so so sorry you are going through this. Grief is hard enough, but going through it secretly, all the while having to continue showing up for your kids, is just brutal. Perhaps your friend was careful to hide your conversations behind…"
Sep 26
Kali added a discussion to the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
Thumbnail

It was not supposed to be like this

In 2014 I met the most amazing man ever. We were both in our very early 20s and were looking for different things at the time. We ceased communication for roughly 6 months. During which time, he completed basic training and joined the Air Force. By the time we reconnected he was already at his first duty station.. 8 hours away.We decided we wanted to continue our relationship and proceeded to cultivate a deeply emotional connection. Regular calls and video chats, visits while he was home on…See More
Sep 26

© 2024   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service