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Permalink Reply by Collin Bentley on May 7, 2012 at 1:08pm

I don't think we ever completely get over such a traumatic event.  I think our whole life has changed.  I know I am dealing with the death of my brother and people say "oh it will get better."  Yea the pain may ease but I am working off a whole new paradigm.  One in which someone whom I care for greatly is no longer physically present.  A world without my brother, a world where I can no longer go to his house and talk with him about things brothers talk about.  A world where when the family gets together there will always be a void because of him not being present.  I cared for my brother the last couple months of his life and I was there when he took his last breath.  It is still painful for me to talk about it, that is why I so appreciate this forum.  I don't have to talk and I can try and process all this by writing.  It is nice because I can unload my feelings without getting all wrapped up in the moment.

I have learned the only way that I can deal with these things is to look at the life my brother had and be thankful for the years that I was given.  I can look back with honor and say that my father and I were there when he passed.  From what it sounds like you stood with your father and was there for him.  To me that is something that you can be proud of and if you can get to the point of realizing that your father is still with you just this is a new chapter in he and your life.  It is different from all the rest in that his presence is not physical but he is still very much with you in your heart and spirit.  I do hope that things start going better, I will keep you in my prayers as I would ask that you do likewise.  Take care and be well.

Collin

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Permalink Reply by Robin on May 11, 2012 at 1:15pm

I won't say I know exactly what you are feeling because I know that is not actually possible, but I understand. My dad also died two years ago and for a long time I felt like I was handling it. Now I am not sure. As the two year anniversary comes up in two months, I am getting more and more uncomfortable, I don't feel safe in my own mind or body. I don't trust therapists so don't really talk about what I am feeling. I don't really trust anyone, not even my own sisters or family. They went through the same thing but I still feel like they won't understand. I try, like you, to convince myself every day that things are okay, but some days, most days, it still haunts me. I wish I could picture my dad was the man he was during my childhood but the only images that I can seem to pull into my mind are those of him in the hospital, him slowly wasting away into death in the bedroom next to mine, him laying in his coffin. I wish I had answers to your questions but I don't. I only have the same questions as you do. I just wanted you to know that you are not the only one feeling like this. Honestly, its a relief to me to know that someone else feels just like I do. 

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Permalink Reply by Kim on May 16, 2012 at 9:03pm

I don't know exactly what you are experencing prestently but I will say that I still struggle with my wandering mind and my plauged sleep.  My little brother passed on ten years ago and I can still remember, dream, and so hardly try to forget that night; I have yet to be successful in that conquest.  I was seven when my little brother passed and ,sadly, the things we so desperatly try to forget are the things we seem to remember the most.  Whenever I have a bad day or something reminds me of my brother, like a comment about death or something along those lines, I seem to struggle in my sleep and even wake. 

~Kim~

Sorry I'm not sure if I helped or not; still getting used to the giving advice thing.  Sorry. 

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