Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by anna l. on October 29, 2011 at 2:36pm

Melinda, so so sorry about what happened.  Have you tried to get councelling through victim services, or grief councelling?  What about a local support group?  My husband passed away in June.  I am still getting calls from victim service workers and  hospice care asking me if I am ready to join one group or another.  Im not ready to talk with strangers in person about what happened but I appreciate their caring.  This seems to be a very supportive group and you will get some of what you need here, but if you have noone in real life I think that would be a good road to explore as well.  Really, hugs Melinda for all you have been through.  Take care.

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Permalink Reply by Melinda Miller on October 30, 2011 at 9:52am

I have been to talk to people. I just seem to take 2 steps forward and 5 steps back. The weekends are the worse for me. I feel so lonely and it is hard for me to even get out the bed at times. I went to the doctor on Friday and was prescribed an anti-depressant. I hope to get some relief soon. I just don't want to do anything.

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Permalink Reply by anna l. on October 30, 2011 at 11:46am

                                      "I just seem to take 2 steps forward and 5 steps back"

Boy that says it all doesnt it?  I think for most of us it feels that way.  In September I posted about it getting worse not better and that is exactly what I was feeling.  I know I dont have any words to offer that can really help, but please know you are not alone in how you feel.  You have been through so much it is going to take time to work through.  Notice I said work.  It is indeed work to get from point A when someone you adore dies, to point B, when you can see life as worth the effort again.  And good for you taking care of yourself and going to your doctor!  Take care, and good news, the weekend is almost over. 

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Permalink Reply by Stacy Jinkins on November 2, 2011 at 4:48pm

I have found the wonderful people on this site are great to talk to. If you and your children are healthy, and you have a roof over your heads and food to eat, make the best of it, and spend as much time with your kids as you can. Maybe you could take up a hobby to pass the time? You may even be able to find something you are really good at, and could make a little money from. I started making no-sew tutus and make them custom for people. It's very easy, and passes the time when the kids aren't here and I am feeling alone. If you are interested at all let me know. And you are NOT alone. I wish you all the best.

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Permalink Reply by Blue Eyes Crying on November 9, 2011 at 6:07am

They all tell me we are going to be OK. My sweet David died 9 1/2 weeks ago and I have to admit - I don't see OK anywhere in the future. The pain is so agonizing, the loss so intense. And I understand the loneliness. I don't have any kids and my relatives are mostly a couple of hours away so I don't have the gas money to see them very often. The loneliness is going to kill me, I am sure of it. Weekends used to be my delight - our time together, our time to just ride in the car and do things together Now I dread them. So much emptiness. Going to the mall doesn't help - it seems everyone is there in couples. The park - no good. We used to go there to walk together and ride bikes. I don't know what to tell you. Right now I don't have hope to give myself, much less anyone else. I cry so much, every day. And WHY do people always tell me to drink lots of water??? Is that supposed to be some kind of miracle cure?

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Permalink Reply by Jo Pennington on June 1, 2012 at 11:20pm

My father took his life almost 5 yrs ago. S.O.S (survivors of suicide) has wonderful support groups around the country and online. For your kids may I suggest a book titled "But I didn't get to say goodbye" It's written from a child's view point, has discussion questions at the end of each chapter.

You will be ok one day. I won't lie and say that there will never be bad days. But eventually in time - it gets a little easier...

You can always talk to me if you would like. i know there's a huge difference between loosing one's husband VS a father - but I am always willing to listen

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Permalink Reply by Trev on June 3, 2012 at 11:03am

In many ways suicide is the most selfish act and leaves us with a lot of questions we simply can't ask. It's OK to be angry about it, it would be surprising if you weren't angry to some extent, don't try to put a lid on it if you are, let it out.

It is a brave step to step put of the bubble of the event and one that we can only take when we are ready, regardless of other peoples expectations of how long and how we should grieve. However we are all compelled to survive and ultimately thrive again, there is no choice, we do get better and we do get involved with life again.

I want to ask you if you are denying yourself permission to do so? Are you isolating yourself and thus becoming lonelier? 

By joining this forum and reaching out you will learn that you are not alone, we may all be strangers, but we have been where you are now and we stand with you there, now, together.

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Permalink Reply by Jo Pennington on June 3, 2012 at 11:07pm

Not all acts of suicide are selfish. This is something that is important to keep in mind. Suicide is an act of desperation when the person cannot see any other way out of a situation, but that doesn't always make it a selfish act.

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Permalink Reply by Trev on June 3, 2012 at 11:18pm

Hi, you are correct and this is why I said in many ways.

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Permalink Reply by Betty on June 5, 2012 at 5:17pm

I lost my brother just a few weeks ago. Not to suicide but I to have no close family or friends.  Getting out of bed is a major effort me as well.  If u ever need to talk email me at designerconsigner@sbcglobal.net and I will give you my personal info.  I to need someone to talk with and to help me through this. 

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Permalink Reply by Tina W on June 14, 2012 at 9:15pm

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss! I lost my dad jan 28 and my mom 2 months later April 9. Both were very unexpected and they were only 47 and 44. People would tell me that it gets better with time but I disagree. So far it has only gotten worse with time . I am 25 and I have 2 kids of my own. Without them I don't know what I would do , they are my only family I have left. I feel very alone and I started seeing a therapist for someone to talk to but I do know how u feel. I'm not good at giving advice but wanted u to know ur not alone in feeling the way u do. I ask myself the same question, am I going to be ok. I don't ever see myself getting pass their deaths and I already know I'm going to cry everyday for years and years but I have to keep going for my kids. I wish u the best of luck ! 

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