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Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on December 20, 2016 at 4:04am

had thn on off 2 still few nw agan had a lot wen my dad died 2012 flash bac nite mars  i had had few mor flash bac 1 on off 2  off orht pepel i no it pass i did 

sorrry on yore lossss

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Permalink Reply by bluebird on December 20, 2016 at 11:39pm

Absolutely.  My husband died four years ago, and almost the only dreams I have had with him in them are nightmares.  In these nightmares, he leaves me or I leave him (as in breaking up), or he cheats on me or I cheat on him -- in reality, none of those things ever happened or ever would have happened, but in the nightmares they do.

I know it is because my subconscious is desperately trying to find him, trying to work out where he is and why he is not with me. Nonetheless, the nightmares are horrible, far worse than any other nightmare of any kind that I have ever had in my life.  In the past year or so there have been a couple of snippets in regular dreams where he appears, in which we are doing regular things (in one dream we were browsing in a thrift shop, for example), but they never last long and they are rare anyway. I have never had a "visitation" dream, in which my husband actually visits me in a dream (I am agnostic regarding the afterlife, so I honestly don't know if my husband's beautiful soul even still exists).

Anyway, you are definitely not alone in having bad dreams / nightmares. I think it is probably fairly common for widows/widowers, especially those who are deeply in love with their spouse/partner.  Even more so, I think, when the spouse/partner has died suddenly and unexpectedly, as is the case with my husband.

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Permalink Reply by April on December 21, 2016 at 10:06pm

Thank you so much for replying. I was feeling so alone. I only got 2 responses to this. I have lots of dreams where i'm looking for him and when I find him he won't look at me or talk to me. Also flash back dreams of the night he left me. I have also had the dreams where he cheated on me and wants nothing to do with me. They are so hard for me to deal with. I am upset for days after. I just dont understand the dreams. We were so in love we told each other everyday. I'm so lost without him. I was so confused and hurt by the dreams. It has been just over a year and the dreams still happen on a pretty regular basis. Thank you for your insight!! Now I know I'm not alone in this.

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Permalink Reply by April on December 22, 2016 at 4:54am

Thank you for replying. It does help to know I'm not alone in this. I might try reading the text messages before I go to bed and see if that helps. Thank you

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Permalink Reply by bluebird on December 22, 2016 at 9:35am

{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}

I'm glad I could help a bit, in such a shitty situation. Like you, I have also had dreams where I am looking for my husband and when I find him he is just indifferent to me, he won't talk to me or anything.  To me, those dreams are just as bad as the cheating ones, as they imply that he just doesn't give a fuck, which I know is not actually true, but in the dream I don't know it and I don't understand and I am just devastated.  I know what you mean about being confused and hurt by the dreams, but please realize that it's your own subconscious mind trying to make sense of things, it is not your husband actually conveying that he doesn't love you or that he cheated on you or anything like that.

My  husband and I are very much in love, too, and I am completely lost without him. To me, the world is no longer real, now it's like some hellish virtual reality nightmare in which I am trapped. I literally no longer feel as though I am part of humanity or part of the world, because I am not. I am like a zombie or a shade, merely a shadow of who I was. The nightmares certainly don't help with that, especially when the feelings/effects from them last for days, as you mentioned.

You are definitely not alone in having nightmares, or in the way you are feeling. I think you will find a lot of support on this website, as we are all in much the same situation. I hope you are able to find some measure of peace.

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Permalink Reply by bluebird on December 25, 2016 at 11:58pm

I really think it's just your subconscious mind trying to figure it all out.

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Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on December 23, 2016 at 2:06pm

sinse my dad died in 2012 had a few bad 1s thn sum lovin 1s wish lovin 1s i luv 

1 i had of my dad had my o up set wear he tld me he hatedddd me wish stil has me pst evn it wz lst yr tht 1 i thng i rebr it coz it rely upst me it did

im word in cas i get bad 1s of my cat i had 2 get pt 2 sleep coz i wz nt srng enuf 2 tak her my slf evn orth falyiys pas sum tims hav bad 1s of thm i do

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Permalink Reply by Rain on January 19, 2017 at 9:56am

I have had a lot of them. I dream about finding out he died all over again.

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Permalink Reply by JM on March 13, 2017 at 3:02pm

I have had nightmares for 7 years since my dad was stabbed over 6 times byou my stepbrother. I've gone thru grief counseling and I'm better but everyone lies when they say it gets better. It never gets better. My step brother and step mom made sure he never had prison and he is free. It hurts so much and I refuse to tell someone that this kind of loss just "gets better" because that's not true

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Permalink Reply by JM on March 13, 2017 at 3:03pm

My nightmares are my dad being alive and I wake up and he's always gone.

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