New here after sons choice of suicide

Hello,

 Just wanted to introduce myself to this exclusive club that none of us wants to belong to and yet, have to. My sons death was on April 5th. He chose suicide in the early morning hours. It's been nothing but a roller coaster of emotions every since.

My wife and I are really trying to get past this and I'll tell you, it's not easy! My heart goes out to all who have suffered the loss of a loved one because I know how it feels. Many times in our lives, we encounter loss. But sometimes a loss can seem so devastating that it's hard to even function.

 I went to the grocery store today and lost my shopping cart several times, and I mean lost all memory of where it was. I did keep finding it but then I'd lose it again, as my wife and I just kind of wandered around the store.

 Tomorrow being mothers day is going to be exceptionally hard on my wife. We've already had to face what would have been his 38th birthday in April 12th.  He lived with us which I guess makes this even harder. I haven't been able to even begin clearing out his room.

All I can say is that we're completely out of sorts but finding ways to get through. Anyway, I just wanted to introduce myself. I'll probably be journal-ling a lot on this site as writing is the main thing that helps me these days. Somehow when I write, I seem to connect with my soul and that gives me strength.

Anyways, good to meet you folks and understand that as I grieve for my loss I also grieve for others in the same position of loss.

May you find peace,

Chuck

 

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Permalink Reply by Faith on June 3, 2019 at 4:57pm
I am sorry for your loss. My dad took his own life almost 9 years ago this July and I am still not over the fact I found him. He had been dealing with depression for years and sadly it was not his first attempt although well his last cause he succeeded. I had tried for years to get him help. My heart goes out to you and your family and I am here if you ever need to talk
Permalink Reply by Melissa on October 17, 2019 at 3:41pm
I am so sorry for your loss!! I do know and understand what you are going through!! My son Matthew took his own life in June 13th 10 day before his 26 birthday! He checked into a super 8 on a Monday and the staff found him dead on a Thursday!! When I was able to recover his belongings which wasn’t much I came across his phone and all it said was I committed suicide this was not an accident!! I do not know how to go through my days I can’t breathe and I constantly have a pain in my chest! When I laugh it’s fake when I say I’m ok I’m not!! 3 years prior to Matthews death my step son died of an overdose at the age of 21!! I feel as though happiness is not what I’m supposed to have!! You would think that my husband and I would be able to grieve together seeing as though we are in the same “club” but the problem is that he has no emotions and I’m overwhelmed with emotion!! When I cry he walks away when he is upset I’m selfish because the only thing that consumes me is my son!! I have 2 other boys and I love them but I am emotionally unattached!! I hope maybe you can share somethings to help me!! I am at the end of my strength I feel like when I take one step forward I go 50 backwards!! I hope that you can find peace as I hope I eventually will!! Thank you for story!!

May you find a little comfort,

Melissa
Permalink Reply by Josephine Crawford on February 3, 2020 at 9:59am
Melissa, those two sons need you. Helping others through pain is a good place to begin. I say that to myself too. I am so sorry about your loss.

Promise me this, do not become a walking dead. Live girl! Enjoy the rest of your life. Check out the audiobook "As a man thinketh."
Permalink Reply by Josephine Crawford on February 3, 2020 at 10:09am
Chuck, I am sorry to hear about your recent loss. We just assume our children will be at our funerals. I lost a son and an only child on May 20, 2019. He died as a result of a house fire.

Chuck, I know all to well the confusion and the struggle to clear his room. You will know when the time is right. No pressure is necessary.

Create new memories with your wife, family and friends. You deserve to be happy. Happy healing and peace Chuck to you and your family.

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