Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
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Dia, I can understand what you are going through. After losing my mother who was all things to me nothing is the same. The ICU, the last few days are all horrible everywhere. You had the good sense to come to this site, and that is a healthy step. Believe me, we all suffer the guilt that you are going through. What you are experiencing is all normal. We are here for you.
My wife died at home July 23, 2013 after a 16 month battle with Pancreatic Cancer. I watched her die a little each day. I was against the surgery that she had and it went turned out bad. Many 150 miles round trip and stays at 3 different hospitals from the complications from the surgery. I,the person who could get things done was helpless. The last 30 days her 2 daughters came to visit. They made her uncomfortable and she would only take her medicine from me. The last 3 days I was a lone with her except for the hospice personnel that came once a day. As I watched her slip a way hour by hour and then minute by minute, I realized there was nothing I could have done any better. I am not perfect by no means. You did not run the hospital. You had no control of her care. Be thankful she is not longer suffering. Do you really think your Mother would want you to suffer like you are? She is at peace, just like she would want you to be.
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