My wife's Memorial Mass was yesterday

It was nice to see so many people turn out. People we hadn't seen in 20 years. People we had written off. And our friends who we didn't realize were such good friends. It was a stressful day and a numb day.

But today, with reality setting in, having to accept that she is dead. That there is nothing I can do to change that. There is no way to bring her back or do better for her. Or help her more. Or love her more. Or take better care of her. Or pay more attention to her. Or do more fun things with her and the kids. Or be more tolerant and understanding. Or not get upset at the little things.
That is difficult.
She deserved 50 more years.
She deserved to be happier.
She deserved to be healthier.
And I cannot go back and fix anything.

Views: 159

▶ Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Paula Marie on March 13, 2016 at 6:46pm

Jason, that's the hardest part for me, too. And I just can't get over the very real fact that I just can't "fix this." Not this time. It hurts so badly.

Permalink Reply by bluebird on March 14, 2016 at 7:19pm

I feel very much as you do, Jason.

It is good, at least, that so many people attended your wife's memorial mass. I know it doesn't help much, but it does show that she was loved by many.

RSS

Groups

Latest Activity

Gary Ruby is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Nov 19
Welcome Them!
Julie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Nov 5
Welcome Them!
Speed Weasel commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"GriefShare is a church based support group. They do have meetings online, but the usual format is a group of people experiencing a loss getting together weekly to watch videos (13 weeks total) about grief and loss. After the video, we talk about the…"
Oct 21
Natasha commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"is griefshare a website like this?"
Oct 21
dream moon JO B updated their profile
Oct 16
Morgan Sangrouber is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Oct 10
Welcome Them!
Addie replied to Kali's discussion It was not supposed to be like this in the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
"Kali I’m so so sorry you are going through this. Grief is hard enough, but going through it secretly, all the while having to continue showing up for your kids, is just brutal. Perhaps your friend was careful to hide your conversations behind…"
Sep 26
Kali added a discussion to the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
Thumbnail

It was not supposed to be like this

In 2014 I met the most amazing man ever. We were both in our very early 20s and were looking for different things at the time. We ceased communication for roughly 6 months. During which time, he completed basic training and joined the Air Force. By the time we reconnected he was already at his first duty station.. 8 hours away.We decided we wanted to continue our relationship and proceeded to cultivate a deeply emotional connection. Regular calls and video chats, visits while he was home on…See More
Sep 26
1 Comment

© 2024   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service