Not looking forward to Christmas
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My mom was stabbed to death on August 5th.
My mom, Barbara, was brutally robbed, beaten, disfigured, and stabbed 19 times. I am still grieving the loss of my dad, as well. We lost him to cancer on Oct. 22nd. Losing him was devastating already and now I have to try to cope with my mom's murder, as well. It is overwhelming and has made me physically ill. The murderer made a full confession and has been charged with first degree murder. I meet with the DA tomorrow morning. I am very nervous about it. I tried grief counseling but even the professional counselor did not know what to say to me. I am hurting so bad and just can't seem to get out of this same horrible day.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Nancy Echols-Suich on
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My heart is just broken for you. What a horrible thing for a daughter to go through. The date with the DA has passed so I am really hoping you have good news about that at least. You look like a lovely lady with a sweet little girl with you. You have a great smile which to me means this...You are a kind hearted lady that gives lots of love to many people. Now it is time for you to take some back. Be strong in court but let all those that you have helped for years help you now. I am sorry the counselor didn't help, I have found through talking to many people that there are great ones that REALLY help and others that you found..don't know what to say.
Coping with a murder...I don't know what to say. I am devastated for you. What a Monster..I hope he rots before he goes to Hell.
I am here..I know you don't know me but if you need a friend..I am here.
I lost both my parents just a few months apart...so that part I do understand.
Nancy I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers...stay strong!
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Permalink Reply by Kandi Broussard on
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The picture is of my mom and my daughter. I put it as my profile picture because my mom was always so happy when she was with Kamryn (my daughter). You are right about my mom's smile, though! She was a very kind hearted person who really tried to help anyone who needed it. She did not deserve the death penalty that she received. I did speak with the DA and we decided to allow the murderer to plea to second degree, if he chooses. This will save me from a long, painful trial. It also takes the risk of a 12 person jury's decision out of the equation. The DA has guaranteed me that with second degree, the murderer will get a life sentence without parole. After what he did to her, he is still getting off easy.
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Permalink Reply by Kirstine Rushing on
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I am so sorry for your loss and especially for the way you lost your mom. I am so so sorry! I lost my mom to cancer in January and I too and hurting horribly and still can't seem to move past the day she died and its been months. It seems like the rest of the world goes on and I look around and wonder how the world can still go on w/out her :( Your mom and little girl look so happy together. I have a 6 year old daughter myself and she and my mom were also close. I think that's one of the toughest things I've had to deal with....knowing she won't be around to see her grow up. Its so hard. Someone bought me these grief share cd's and I have been listening to them. They are hard to listen to sometimes b/c they make me cry so much, but they are healing me at the same time, here is the link incase you are interested: http://www.personalhelpstore.org/product.asp?sku=2169_GSD4160
Another thing that helped me was reading the book "The Shack" by William Young. A tragedy happens in the book and you see how through it all God never left their side and was with them. Again, hard to read and get through at times, but healing. The thing I've learned is I can't run from this grief as much as I try, I have to face it and deal with it. These were all things bought for me by my mom's friends so maybe they will help you too.... Hugs (((()))))K
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OMG, I'm so sorry for all of your loss!!!
I know that's just too much to bear!
I lost my two older brothers last month six days apart to heart attacks, they were 56, & 57!
You just believe it's happened, I can't even imagine what you must be going through.
I hope you don't mind if I pray for you.
Take care!
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Permalink Reply by Sammie on
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Hello,
I am so sorry for your loss, you are in my prayers. My heart goes out to you, to loose a parent in any way is devestating. However, to loose both parents to such a terriable way is overwhelming. I can not say that I know how you feel (that would not be fair, b/c I am not you). I can say that although you might not seem to be able to get yourself psycially adapted, perhaps you can mentally prepare yourself for your meeting with the DA. There is nothing for you to fear, you are the victim, I am sure they can sympathize with your pain. Personally, I would feel a small amt. of relief that the individual is being tried and punished for their crime.
As for yourself, allow yourself to grieve, it is OK to feel upset, sad, however you feel is OK. The grieving process is different for everyone. If you like I would like to possibly be an advocate for your support. I am a mother of four children, I am married, and I attend school. I am also on the computer all the time, for papers, research for my classes, etc.
I do not know if you will appreciate this and I hope that I do not make you upset..but my mom's name is Barbara. I lost her while I was pregnant, above all my daughter and I had a terriable experience where it is a miracle we are both here. I needed my mom so bad, my best friend. In October it will be a year that my mom has passed, personally I do not know how to handle that day. Shall I be strong for my children? Shall I break down alone? Shall I share my feelings with my husband and or family?
I look forward to your response and again, you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Best regards,
Sammie
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Oct. 22 will be a year that I lost my dad. I'm not sure about how to handle that day. I know that it will be a sad day and I will probably break down. I'm sure you will too, on the one year anniversary of your mom's death. In my case, my daughter makes me stronger and I really try not to get upset in front of her. She is only 5 years old and there is only so much information that she needs. We will talk more later but I have to get ready to pick Kamryn up from school. She gets out early on Fridays. Thanks a bunch!
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Good morning,
Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post. Oct. 13, is the ann. of my mom's passing. I agree keeping strong for my children is important. As a psy. major I should be prepared...however when it is your own, it tends to be a little harder. My son is almost 8 years old and his relationship with my mom is very special (he is the only grandson). He is already expressing his loss, in correlation he understands more than the other little one's. I know that my mom would not want me to be upset, perhaps I should take that into consideration. In addition my grandmother's birthday is the following day, I do not want to make her upset in any way.
Enjoy your day and we will touch base later.
Best,
Sammie
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What kind of daughter's would we be if we were not upset? Of course, we are. We miss our mommies. With my dad it is a little different because his final moments were not like my mom's. I miss them both horribly. The best thing that we can do is pray. I do not know if you are a christian but I am and I firmly believe in the power of prayer. Dear God, I pray that you strengthen this very kind person as the anniversary of the death of her beloved mom approaches. Bless her and her family with fond memories that make them smile even when they are sad and lonely. In Jesus precious name, Amen. Sammie, we will get through this but it is gonna hurt. Thank you for being so kind to me. It means alot! Talk to ya soon, Kandi
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I am a devoted catholic, I believe that my strength comes from God and his guidance. I find comfort in holding my prayer beads, especially the one's that I gave my mom when she was sick. Thank you for taking the time to pray for me, I feel blessed to have someone as special as you to converse with. I know that my mom has also given me strength. I beleive that she was with me as well as guilded me when my daughter and I were sick. Some of the things that happened since her passing that were not by chance. Memories of my mom, oh how we laughed together for the memories that we shared! We had our own memories and that is something that knowone can take away! Today as I rest I will recall our special memories and how blessed I am.
My two older children have had the stomach flu the past few days, and now it is my turn. I am praying that my 8 month old and my 4 year old (Bella & Jiannia) do not get it! Enjoy your day and God Bless you and your family.
Best,
Sammie
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Hello Barbara! I'm very sad about your story, I cannot even begin to fathom what you are going through. Has the disgusting scum who took your mother been sentenced yet? I hope he/she gets life with no chance of parole. There's nothing a grief counselor or anyone can really say. I just hope the counselor didn't tell you there was nothing they could do for you and you might as well forget it. At this point, it may do you good to just sit in their office and cry and talk about anything you want to. Then in time, when you're ready, you can talk about ways to help make you feel like you can at least tolerate the weight of your loss. Don't lose faith that you can get through this. You don't get over it but you take one day at a time and get *through* it. I hope you don't let anyone tell you how to feel in this situation, you're grief is your own. I hope you try counseling again! Be sure to take care of yourself love. You need your strength! God bless!
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Actually, Barbara is my mom's name. The guy who killed her is in jail but his public defense team is trying to have him exhonerated!!! Can u imagine??? He made a FULL confession!! Our next court date is Nov. 15th. I am trying soooo hard to cope with all of this but I feel like I'm just going to lose it, soon. I am still in disbelief that this has happened. I miss my mom sooo much. Right now, I'm trying to get ready for the upcoming holidays and my daughter's birthday party. It is really hard because I don't have my mom helping me plan things, like she always did. I am not sure if I will try counseling again. It really was difficult to have to relive the intense hurt that I feel. Thank you for the nice message. I really appreciate it. Kandi
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Permalink Reply by melissa fulmer on
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I am so sorry about the loss of your mother. That is such a horrible thing. I hope whomever did this pays big time. what is wrong with the world today?
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