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Permalink Reply by donna on January 9, 2010 at 10:35am

Thanks for sharing your story. I don't know why but it does help to talk to people who have been through it. I have been to counselors, etc. but it is not the same as talking to someone who has been there.
I bet you do have alot of rage towards the police dept. I would!! It is awful that your mom had to be so scared in the weeks BEFORE her murder. To call 6 times and still them do nothing, especially with domestic violence as the number one reason woman are murdered. I seriously would talk to an attorney or call, or get online with legal aid. Ask about a wrongful death lawsuit, against the murder AND the police dept.
I hate to say that you are probobly right about them not persuing the case since he is in jail, (which is completly not right for your family.) I know everyone needs to feel that justice has been served for the loved ones that they have lost.
My brothers murderer was arrested 1 yr. & 3 months after his murder. He is still in jail and we are still waiting for a trial. Our peliminary hearing has now been delayed again for the 3rd. time. I am praying we can get this going before something happens to my dad he is 78 and going down hill fast since the murder. He and my mom need to see justice so they can have some peace. We all need that. Our next date is Feb. 5th. I hope we actually get to go this time. I am so scared witnesses will leave, there are already 2 missing.
Keep me posted on if you decide to go to legal aid and what they say. I hope they can help.
Anytime you want to talk I'm here. I have become completely obsessed with my brothers case and the rest of my family can't really talk about it so this has been a huge relief for me, thanks.

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Permalink Reply by Money Jensen on January 9, 2010 at 11:55am

Wow i am so sorry to hear that your case has been delayed so many times! I really feel as if the legal system in this country is completely backward. I hope your family gets justice. I am sorry that no one in your family talks to you about it, we are in the same boat it seems. My family pretty much turned their backs on me when they died. My mother hadn't told them i moved out so when they died they thought something had happened to me as well. they found out from the police that i was ok.
They way my family was brought up you never really ask for help in these situations it's like a sign of weakness to ask any of them to help and if you do it will get thrown at you for the rest of your life. so my mom never told them i moved to mississippi with my fiance. She never really spoke about her problems much to anyone she kept everything to herself. i have tried to break that cycle myself. i think if she would have had someone to talk to or not been ashamed to talk none of this would have happened. My family really doesn't want me to persue the case they all think that god will find a way and that things will just progress on their own. I don't feel that way at all. the worst part is that the police never return my calls it's like i am talking to a wall. I really hope things progress for you , all those delays must be driving you crazy! The main thing i have done since they died is try to talk to people around me about domestic violence and stress as much as i can that you can't keep giving these people chances to hurt you love isn't supposed to hurt. thanks for the advice.

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Permalink Reply by donna on January 9, 2010 at 9:26pm

Sorry to hear about your family situation. Now seems the time we need our families the most. It is hard to deal with it on your own. I do feel lucky for my family, the reason I can't talk to them is because it will make them cry. Most all of my family has moved from where the murder was, (in Tulsa) to Missouri where I live. We have really turned to each other alot. I just can't keep making them cry because I am obsessed with the case.
I can understand how your family feels, that God will find a way to punish him. I feel the same. I want my brothers murderer to live in hell on earth for a long time.
I know how it is to not get a phone call back. We have dealt with that from dectectives to DA's and now even our victims advocate. Luckily we learned how to look up court dockets ourselves or else we would have gone to each hearing, because they never call us. That is not right cinsidering we all have to take off work and travel to get there. It is certainly a long drawn out event.
I'm glad to hear that you are talking to others around you about domestic violence. I hope it helps you cope with it better.

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Permalink Reply by Money Jensen on January 10, 2010 at 9:22am

I'm glad that at least you are proactive about your situation. It sucks that even the victims advocate treats you that way. I don't think the cops, advocates or lawyers really understand what we go through with all of this. I think sometimes when they have dealt with so many cases they just become numb and go through the motions. It is just dissappointing that they can't do their jobs as well as they are supposed to.
How old was your brother when he died? did he know the person who killed him?
It really bothers me a lot when i think about my sister , miss them both dearly but i feel responsible for not saving my sister since i was her primary caretaker for so many years. My mom was a single working mother for a long time so i was the one who had to make sure my sister ate breakfast got to school etc. to know she got robbed of so many life experiences makes me so upset sometimes. I try not to let the anger overcome me but sometimes i find myself being a bitter person about it. like there are so many bad people in the world why did my family have to be the ones to go through this. as well as so many other good families out there like yours. I'm glad your family is supportive of you eventhough they can't deal with helping emotionally. it's good that they have your back. I learned a lot about my family when this happened all the secrets and lies and things that were rumored and true came out. It was not necessarily the best way or time for me to figure all of it out but it helped me become a stronger person because of it. Not always but you know what i mean. The only people that were really there for me was my dad and my fiance' mainly my fiance he had just proposed before that thanksgiving. I at least got to show them my ring they were very excited about it. I'm glad i got to share that with them. sorry for rambling it just comes out like this. well i hope you are having a good day.

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Permalink Reply by donna on January 10, 2010 at 3:53pm

I am so glad you got to show your mom & sis the ring before the incident. Things like that mean so much. I am also glad that you were with your fiance when it happened. I believe if they see how much we go through and how hard it is, it helps them to be more understanding when we go through a "rough patch" in coping with it all.
My brother was 44 when he was murdered. He had just gotten engaged for the first time in his life. We have all had very hard times, and for the first time ever ALL 4 of us were doing great. We all finally lived within 2 hrs. of eachother, so we were together constantly for the past 2 yeas. Although we have all been very close our whole lives we usually lived far away and could not afford to travel often. Mark was the only one who did not have kids and we were all very hopeful for him and his fiance.
When he was murdered. My mom's nextdoor neighbor was in a fight with someone none of us knew. Mark tried to break up the fight and he got stabbed to death. Mark was the type that would help ANYONE that needed it. He did not try to fight the guy (there are witnesses) he just wanted them to quit . My other brother used to tell him to stop worrying about others problems, but if anyone ask for help he was there. That is why he was 44 and just getting engaged gor the first time, because he helped the other three of us raise our kids.
Well you said to excuse your rambling, but I am the one that always does it to you. Any time You want to "talk" I am here and don't feel bad. it helps to hear other peoples stories. I feel so sorry for myself, and you have lost TWO family members. That is awful!
Is your dad still around? Do you live near him?
i better go. Need to get ready for my work week. Hope you have a nice day.

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Permalink Reply by Carly Michelle Hoskins on August 13, 2011 at 10:31pm

My mother's best friend Tina, who was also like a second mother to me, was murdered last December. Her murderer also kidnapped her daughter Brittany, my best friend. It has been very hard to deal with. It was much, much worse when Brittany was still missing. I feel so much anger and hatred towards the man that murdered Tina. I want him to suffer like she suffered. I want him to feel the pain that we have all felt. It just isn't fair. She deserved so much better than this. I miss her so much.
I hope that justice is served to every murderer out there.
God bless.

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