Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Toni Davis on January 15, 2010 at 4:14am

How can any of us understand really? There are no word to describe. I so wish I could help you and that you could help me. We are probably still in shock. We are changed and can't go back.

The hard part now is how to go forward when I just want to go back. But all of us have people and things dragging us forward, no matter how reluctant we are.

Lizzy, none of us can really fully understand each others losses. So many people have had to do this, I don't know how, but they did.

And, will everyone donate to the Haiti disaster? I can not even imagine what they must be going through.

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Permalink Reply by Lizzy on January 17, 2010 at 5:03am

You are so right, it is such a hard thing to go through.

I feel very sorry for the people living in Haiti, they have lost so much and have so few resources to help themselves. Hopefully the aid will reach everyone

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Permalink Reply by paula ingalls on January 17, 2010 at 6:16am

hi lizzy, it seems we both are dealing with a terrible loss. maybe there is some way to talk with eacother and help each other day by day. i sem to have a hard time dealing with so many loving people but i feel i need more of a one on one. i need the prayers of all love, and support. it seems we lost our love one around the same time my son on sept 24, i need him back so bad part of me is gone and i feel ill never be the same love&prayers paula

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Permalink Reply by Lizzy on January 17, 2010 at 9:10pm

Hi Paula,
Would you be able to email me? That way it would be easier to talk and it'll be easier to follow a consersation than on here. My email address is lizbug_25@hotmail.com. It's been four months today since Bruce was killed. If only they could come back, seems so unfair that they didn't get the chance to do so many things.
Talk to you soon, sending my love

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Permalink Reply by paula ingalls on January 18, 2010 at 6:48am

hi lizzy, yes i think that would be good my email is bimbotx@hughes.net, i am suppose to try a grief group wed night at a church, not sure about how that will turn out, ill let you know. i went yesterday to where doug had wreck, i cant seeem to not go there at least three are more times a month i feeeel like there is something there for me, but i havent found it yet. oh god how i miss him, i have two other sons, so i am blessed one is 27, the other 40 doug was 29, and would have ben 30 oct 25. ill pick up with this later hugs&prayers paula

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Permalink Reply by Ganny on January 15, 2010 at 3:43pm

I went to grief counseling yesterday. I was hoping for more out of it...but the one thing I did get out of it is this. This happened to my son for a reason.. He's dead for a reason which I may never understand...and now now when I ask that big question "WHY" I get "God knows something you don't." So somehow I have to learn to live with this, someway, somehow. Wanting to, that's the tough one.

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Permalink Reply by Kirstine Rushing on January 28, 2010 at 3:05pm

I am so sorry Paula for your loss. I just joined this board. I too feel like my heart has died. How old was your son? I am 32 and lost my 55 year old mother to cancer this past Friday. She was my best friend and just randomly got lung cancer out of the blue, which spread to her bones despite her never smoking and being very healthy. I wonder how things will ever feel normal again. I look at pictures and see myself smiling in them and wonder how I will ever get back to that place? I know that is what my mom would want, but it hurts too bad!!! She wasn't ready to die, she wanted to live and be a grandmother to my two small children. It does feel like a nightmare as you say. I keep hoping I took too much Nyquil and any minute someone is going to wake me up and say...hey, you are having a bad dream, wake up your mom is on the phone! But that doesn't happen. I know she is gone. I held her lifeless body in my arms last Friday after she took her last breath and I just couldn't let go of her, they had to pry her away from me. I have two kids myself and couldn't imagine loosing one of them. I am so so SORRY!!! There is nothing I can say to take the pain away (I've realized that myself, the time will heal comment annoys me the most when people say it) b/c its not true (!), time isn't going to heal this, but know that I will keep you in my prayers and perhaps eventually it won't hurt this bad. You lost a son, I lost a parent, we are on the opposite end of things, so maybe we can at least cry/vent to each other to help one another. Big virtual hugs ((((()))) K

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Permalink Reply by paula ingalls on January 29, 2010 at 8:23am

hi kristine, i am so sorry for the loss of your mom, first let me say i know how bad it hurts,you just have th take one step at a time, belive me when i say it will get beter, i lost my father to sucide when i was 14, it did take a while. my son was 29 would have been 30 oct 25 2009, the 24th& 25 were the worst days of my life. the hardest to realize, i still feel like it was yesterday,always sad, never happy,ive just semed to block it for some reason i dont know if this is a part of grieving. i hope i can be some help to you,i know we are both in a miserable time of our life. please write to me any time and maybe we can consul each other, i am 60 and my mother is 80 and still gets around beter than me, but for some reason i cant talk to her about doug she doesnt sem to understand the way i feel i really am truly sorry for you, you are at a very young age to lose your mother, my prayers are with you and your family hugs paula

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Permalink Reply by Kirstine Rushing on January 29, 2010 at 11:10am

I think that is the only thing (which is sad) that I have to hold onto at this point, that it has only been a week so it was just like it was yesterday for me, but it scares me of the time that will go by and the things I will forget and the scents that will fade. I can't imagine suffering on like this. I am sorry you can't talk to your mom, you feel free to talk to me, I will be here for a long time I know that!!!!! The person that always comforted me was my mom, so now I feel all alone. My husband is great, but my mom and i just had a very special bond. I wish I could just lay my head on her chest and hear her heart beating a smell her sweet smell, like I could 8 days ago!!!! Saying that, I can't imagine loosing one of my kids, so my heart goes out to you!! I had to get on some medicene (Cymbalta) but even it doesn't touch this pain. I started it about a month ago when my mom really started to decline, I can say it helps a little, but not much! You are right, this is definitely a miserable time of life...a time I didn't dream I would have to be dealing with at this age. My mom was so healthy and we always joked about her outliving us b/c she was always hiking and eating fruit and never did anything bad like drink or smoke. She and I talked about planning my 5 year old daughter's wedding together. Both of her parents (my grandparents) lived to be in their 70s and 80s. It was a total blow when a backache she had turned out to be stage 4 lung cancer! That's the difference between our stories though, I kinda knew this was going to happen to my mom, I could gradually see it happening when the cancer kept coming back and I had the chance to say everything I wanted to say and prepare (although I still wish I could say more and nothing really prepared me!), yours was a total shock. I am not sure what's worse...to know your loved one is going to die or a total shock. In my case I was grieving even before she was gone b/c I could see her deteriorating and she stopped talking and was in diapers and couldn't even move the pain was so bad. I was dreading the invetiable all along. But to have it be a total shock like what happened to you would be so horrible because of the not being able to know. Lets just say either way...just stinks! I am not sure if you have read the book called the Shack by William Young, but I would really recommend it for you to read. I read it while my mom was sick and need to read it again. The first 40 pages are kinda boring, but then it takes off. It really helps me smile thinking about where my mom is and how God was with your loved ones the entire time. Check it out. Nice talking to you. Big virtual hug (((()))) K

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Permalink Reply by Michelle Hornbrook on January 31, 2010 at 10:31pm

Hi Paula and am so sorry to hear of your loss. I hate to met people this way but I have learned over the years that those who you can really depend on come around during the times when you need them. I lost my youngest boy (16 years old) in May 23rd in a major car accident. He was with a group of his friends and they were doing what they call riding around the horn. Which means they were traveling the back roads so that they could all drive without the cops finding them. Well my youngest boy is a child that would see just how far he could push something. He was in a vehicle that was very very fast. When he went to drive he was going over 100 around a corner and lost control of the vehicle and put it into a tree. Three of the four were able to get out. But the girls told me that they couldn't get him out of the vehicle because he was jammed between the steering wheel and the seat. So they had to sit there and watch him be burned with the vehicle. I will never forget that night. I was sitting in the living room and had just talked to him about a half hour before when he called in to check in. Then my sister called me and asked me if I knew where he was and I said that I just talked to him on the cell. She told me to try and talk to him again. I tried and it went right to voice mail which would have been the case with him being out there. But within 5 minutes of that my hubby had come home and the state trooper came to my door to tell me that my son had passed. Thankfully my hubby was behind me because I fell to the floor and started to ball. I think the hardest thing in looking back at it all was not being able to see him and say goodbye unlike I have been with all of my losses. Plus he was my baby and the one child that I could always count on. I hate to say it at times but he was forced to grow up quick at a young age because my seizures became so out of control that he more or less took care of me for a few years. It has been two years since my surgery and my seizures has drastically stopped. So I look back and guess I have to be grateful that I have had the time with him but it just isn't fair he had so much that he wanted to do and so much that i wanted to see him do. His older brother has taken it really hard as well as there is only 15 months difference between them. But I can tell you that I am still just as open and raw today as I was that night when I talk about it but I am able to function daily better then I was then. I guess part of me has faced that he isn't returning to me physically but I know that he will always be here with me in my heart where he will never leave. Don't hesitate to holler if you want to talk. I have chat through both yahoo and hotmail so if you would like to talk there just let me know. Take Care

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Permalink Reply by paula ingalls on February 1, 2010 at 5:04pm

oh gosh.i am so sorry.he was so very young. i know how sad and horrible this is. i cant even imagine gett in to a point where i can live like i use to. i guess we never will. i hate this one day half way good and the net just horrible with all the thoughts of our sons. i miss doug terribly and i know you do to. we can only pray and put each foot forward,maybe someday we will at least be able to live a little life with somesort of happines to it. i know life goes on but i sem to have stoppes and live in a fog or something,i just go through the motions, no kind of wanting to do anything,very miserable. i pray you start to feel beter soon, i know our sons would not want us to feel like this prayers and hugs paula

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