It has been one month that my mom has been gone.  I miss her so much.  She and I were so close.  When I have a bad day , it was her that I called.   When my daughter was being the teenager she is I called my mom for advice.l Last week it was the Begining of spring and it was beautiful here- I wished she could  have enjoyed the beautiful week we had.  Flowers coming up, trees budding, but my mom will never have that chance again.  I know she is my suffering anymore with her cancer but I wished so much she could enjoy that day with me.  How long am I going to have this hole in my heart.  I feel so empty most days.  

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Gina, It's been a little over 3 months since my mom passed.   Knowing how unbearable your loss is I wish so much I could take the loss from you.  My mother was severly handicaped.  I was her arms and legs my entire life.  45 years later I was forced to watch this precious little woman slowly die of cancer.  After all she endured.  I've never used the upper cupboards in my home because she couldn't reach them.  I've never had a home where there wasn't a ramp.  I don't know how to be selfish and put me first.  I don't know how to not look over my shoulder to see if she's ok.  I never made a meal just for me.  3 months after her death and I know the hole you speak about will never be filled.  Death took her but it won't take the memories.  It's what I lean on although it's still gutwrenching.  I want Easter to pass quickly.  Mom loved this time of year.  I use to Color Eggs even as an adult.  She'd sit there in her electric scooter watching and we'd talk and laugh and she'd live vicariously through me since she didn't have the strength or mobility to decorate the eggs.  it was a fun time.  I cry now just thinking about how that is now done and over.  I miss her so much.  Please know you are not alone with this loss.  I guess my advice is cherish the memories.  I talk to my mom even though she's not here.  It does help some.

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