Lost My World

Lost the Love of my life.  Went in the hospital with what seemed to be a bad cold... was getting better.. looked like she should get out... got a headache ...everything went bad. lost her 2 weeks later. Feel like I could have and should have stopped it. Could have tried different medicine... should have called for the doctor sooner. should have made her go to the doctor sooner. I got reactive instead of proactive. Feel like I froze. Best person on earth and I couldn't get it right. Like it was our last chance to be happy.. mine and hers.. and I didn't protect her. didn't take care of her. She didn't deserve that. She went through so much. She's supposed to be here. She's supposed to be okay. This wasn't supposed to happen. She's supposed to be okay. She was getting better. How does someone so good and so sweet go through so much. How does this happen. This wasn't supposed to happen.

People keep telling me talk to someone... but they're no help. They don't care. They don't understand. They say the do but they don't.
Counselors seem hit or miss at best even in early conversations.
Wonder... no.. I know some of them are just taking money. Try to tell me
to learn to move on. Move on from what to where? How is that possible? It's not.

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Permalink Reply by Michael on August 23, 2010 at 5:02pm
Birthday was not too long ago. I'd say its been rough but no words can express how I feel. I'm losing my mind. Sweetest most beautiful person in the world and I couldn't or didn't protect her. I don't understand how I could fail her like this. Why isn't she okay? Why couldn't I stop it? Im' such an idiot. They tell me how her life was better with me.. but how could that be. I don't always see it. She had more time. I know she had more time. This wasn't supposed to happen. It's all my fault.... I don't understand how this could happen to someone like her. We let her down. We all let her down...... I wasnt supposed to let her down

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