Lost my mother 5/20/15. She was all I had, dads gone now taking care of my little brothers...

My mother has been battling cancer since 11/14. In June of ‘13 my mom had a lung transplant which changed her life forever. No more O2 tanks, she was able to walk, go sledding, theme parks, camping the list goes on and on. I am 1 of 5 of her children and she has 12 grand-children. She was the best grand-mother you could ever imagine. When she developed lung cancer it spread rather quickly and took away her memory, apatite, moods. But she fought through it. My wife and I would bring her meds, fill her organizers weekly to make sure she was taking all of her medications. I have 2 younger brothers whom are 17 and 16. I do have 2 older sisters but they are drug addicts so my mother had me as her health care proxy to handle all the decision making. The night she went in to the hospital in a coma-state the dr said she had 2 hours and needed a decision from me I asked for a meeting that way I didn’t have to make it on my own. I changed her to DNR even though she always told me not too but the way the doctors persuaded me was so fucked. She went into hospice for 2 days and then woke up for a week or a little longer and she checked herself out of hospice and changed her status to full code. She stopped breathing and went on a vent again the doctors were trying to get me to pull the plug. I stood firm for my mother and said no. They said she will never wake up and will just suffer. Did that happen, no! She woke up and was asking for Physical Therapy. The doctors didn’t know what to say, they were honestly speechless and then they finally stopped pressuring me. It took me a lot of prayers to get through all of this and my relationship with God has grown beyond belief.



I did lose my mother on 5/20/15. My mom was all we had my father passed on 10/7/13. I have 2 little brothers that my wife and I are taking in because my mother wanted them with us (currently building bedrooms in finished basement) again they are 17 and 16. Today I had such a bad break. My mother was my rock, I have such this emptiness in my chest and literally hurt so bad, I felt crippled honestly. Idk what to do. I’m very religious and my pastor was very helpful throughout this whole process. I’m lost, hurt, scared. But I am blessed to be in the position I am to finish what my mother started and raising 2 young gentlemen. Please guys any advice would help. My wife is a HUGE a support but she is hurting when she sees me hurting as bad as I was today and she is 8 months pregnant. Any input would be very grateful. Thank you guys so much

Tags: Death, depressed, died, mom, mother

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Permalink Reply by Gina on June 9, 2015 at 11:39am
Hi Anthony. I lost my mom exactly a month ago. The thought of living on this planet without your mom to support you is terrifying. I think that the best thing to do is to deal with the grief. If you need to cry, then cry. But it is important that you get the support you need from your pastor or even a grief councillor. I can understand that you don't want your wife to see you hurting and you want to protect her and your baby. However, I am sure your wife will perfectly understand that you are going through a devestating time and her hurting shows just how much she cares about you.

I can't tell you the pain will lessen. The pain is also new to me. The best you can do is take every day hour by hour.
Permalink Reply by Andrea Mi on June 14, 2015 at 9:22pm

I don't know if it's great advice, but I think maybe making sure you have something to look forward to might help...anything, really. Even a massage to help you relax, or a date night with your wife, etc. My dad died just over a month ago, and he was my last surviving relative. (I'm 32) I've been taking it day by day, and some days are 100% awful, while some aren't. I am thinking of you and sending positive vibes.

Permalink Reply by Anthony Mann on June 14, 2015 at 9:54pm
My wife has been amazing. We're usually very busy especially with 2 toddlers, new born on the way and since my moms passing we also have my little brothers. Never g'day is different. The one person getting me through this is our Lord! Ik it sounds crazy but ik I can always talk to him, my mom and dad more than ever before. Thank you
Permalink Reply by Andrea Mi on June 14, 2015 at 10:21pm

I'm glad to hear that. You are wonderful people to be raising your own family and taking in your other siblings. They would be lost without you, especially since they just lost their mother too. You've got so much on your plate. Please accept whatever feelings come your way and don't feel bad about whatever you need to do to process them...day by day, and know that you have support and love!

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