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Losing someone changes you forever
People don't like being around somebody who is grieving. When you lose someone it's not just them you lose. I have realised that many friends have just not bothered with me and some family members just find me depressing to be around. I understand it, who wants you be around someone who just brings the mood down. Things that I cared about before just seem so unimportant, I'm finding it hard to do small talk and care about a dress that a friend wants to buy for instance.
I feel like I can't be sad in front of people because people seem to think I should be 'over' it now even though it's only been 7 weeks. All I want to do is talk about him but people just try and change the conversation. Sometimes it so much easier when I'm on my own and can be miserable.
Losing someone you love changes you forever. It upsets me because I know I am not the same person that he fell in love with.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on
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yep i agra i agrea i do dad diess loss non stp stop frinds wot i thrt wz frinds wud cross st su still do sinse 2012 i try 2 cry in privt bt tears cum wen thy wnt 2 sorry 2 say
loss agin non thn 2014 srill 2 mush loss 2015 stll loss it lest on hear u can speak abot him non stop u can
thn i got mad it god coz of shit he/shes put me thru im still mad
sorry if im sayng wong thngs i am so sorry for yore loss i am its so nott fair
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Permalink Reply by Susan H on
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Hi Lillian. I'm so very sorry. I do understand your pain. Your comment about "not being the person he fell in love with" struck a cord with me! It has been 9 weeks for me and I don't know who I am either. It feels like I lost my identity when he died. I don't like that I'm sad and depressing to be around either but how the heck do we just turn off the emotions? It is a daily struggle. I loved him with all my heart. Must we pretend that half our hearts didn't die with our Love just so others aren't uncomfortable? I just avoid everyone - which is probably not healthy - but then I don't have the added stress of acting like world has righted itself because X amount of time has elapsed. I give myself permission to feel what I feel and avoid those who don't share that sentiment. Give yourself permission too. You have that right - you've earned that right! Hugs!
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I know exactly how you feel. My loss was my sister, so not a romantic love, but I still feel the same way. I hate how this has changed me as I was obviously fine before all this. I had my usual gripes about my job, finances, wanting a car, etc. But it was manageable and I was working toward something better, now it's like nothing matters anymore. Anything I think about doing I think about doing without that loved one in my life, so that is always in the foreground of my mind.
The mental strength to concentrate on something else is like trying to ride a roller coaster and read a book at the same time. You go out with friends and on your mind is your grief but you are forcing a happy face on and it just does not work.
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Permalink Reply by Felicia on
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Losing the ones you love most does really change you. I know what you mean, Lillian. Other women friends of mine like to get together and go shopping or out to eat together. They invite me, and sometimes I go, but the whole time we are out I am giving the "performance" of a lifetime by just trying to act like I am having fun, act like I am enjoying it as much as they are. I no longer care about a new dress, or the latest bargain. No matter what restaurant we go to, the food simply fills an empty spot in my stomach. By the time I get back home, I am worn out from the effort it took not to act depressed and morbid. Same with my job. I try to hide my feelings alot because I don't want people to think that I have no faith. I do, I have hope for the future, but today feels pretty bleak.
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Permalink Reply by Dennis C. on
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First:
Grieving has NOTHING to do with "faith".
To prove this the account in John 11 showed how Jesus himself responded to a death.
John 11:33,35,38 — When Jesus saw her weeping and the Jews who had come with her weeping, he groaned within himself and became troubled. [...] 35 Jesus gave way to tears. [...] 38 Then Jesus, after groaning again within himself, came to the tomb. It was, in fact, a cave, and a stone was lying against it.
What makes this even more outstanding is that Jesus was there to resurrect the man who had died.
If your friends think that you lack faith because you are in pain then they don't understand what faith is.
Second:
Romans 12:12 — Rejoice in the hope. Endure under tribulation. Persevere in prayer.
To survive this journey we must, Must, MUST focus on our hope. Hopelessness is fatal. But the Hope we have for being reunited with our loved one keeps us moving forward even with a broken heart. It won't take our pain away, but it keeps us from being paralyzed by it
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That is a comforting thought, Dennis. No one could ever say Jesus had a lack of faith, yet he grieved while having hope. I know I need to focus more on the hope. I was doing better at that until these past few months when I began losing others that I love. These new 'griefs' seemed to pull the scab off the old wounds. And for some reason, though mom died in the spring, the grief seems to become more pronounced in the autumn. I don't know why.
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I agree Felicia. I've been invited out and I don't want to seem ungrateful for the invitation but i would feel like you, spending the whole time pretending and when I get home I'd still feel the same. Every time I go out with someone I just wish it was THAT someone and I can't get happy. Especially if it's a very long time out, it's just to long of a performance. So hard to care about anything now because everything I see I want to share it with that certain someone and she is not here, so it just feels pointless.
I can't believe I have to spend the rest of my life feeling this way. This is no way to live.
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Permalink Reply by bluebird on
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I agree with you on all counts, HollowHeart. Life is horrible no matter where I am or who i'm with, or if i'm alone, but it is slightly easier to just be at home alone.
This is definitely no way to live. I think that all truly loving couples should die at the same time, if they choose to. I would.
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Bluebird I agree it's easier to be alone because I have these "grief attacks" where I will just let out a deep groan of despair or deep heavy sighs and moans and it's like I can't control it, I just get this big moment of sadness and it's a feat of strength to hide that and try and seem chipper with company.
My weekends are utterly excruciating as we always had some kind of plans even if it was just grocery errands, then we'd come home and I'd go to her place and hang out pretty much the entire weekend. Now I spend the whole weekend alone watching tv and trying to keep my mind occupied. TV doesn't really help. I can't get the mojo to go out because going alone depresses me to no end. Going out with my sis was quick and easy whereas a friend has to be planned, schedules have to match up, I might not want to do what they want to do or stay out as late as they do. It's just all fu**ed up. I hate my life now. It is really pointless now.
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Permalink Reply by Mel Royer on
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I agree, Bluebird. I wanted to crawl up in that hospital bed with my wife and just give up the ghost. i wanted to leave this mortal plain with her. We were a team in life and we should have remained together in death. As more time goes by, I feel more distant from my soulmate and I don't like that. I yearn for the day when I will rejoin her and, I tell you, it can't be too soon.
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yep u cud say its comlyy fukt me up sory 2 swear
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its colty f@@@@kt me up all loss iv had i dnt hav 1 loss 2 mussh loss in 1 go sisne 2012 ots it so piss me off it doze
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