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Permalink Reply by Dennis C. on March 10, 2017 at 6:33am

Linda,

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with all of this. Yes cancer is a terrible disease. My wife has had 6 occurrences of Ovarian cancer. She has had 20 surgeries and so much chemo that we have lost count. I am very thankful that I still have her...but the journey has been excruciating. I have lost many friends to cancer. My wife sometimes feels guilty that she is still alive.

I know that not everyone has faith in the Bible, and that's ok...but for me the promises in the Bible give me hope. Hope helps me to feel that there is something positive coming. For example:

• Revelation 21:4 And he will wipe out every tear+ from their eyes, and death will be no more,+ neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore.+ The former things have passed away.”+
  

Wouldn't it be absolutely amazing if these promises would come true. I believe that they will...one day we won't feel pain. We won't mourn. NO MORE TEARS of sadness.

I know from personal experience that none of that takes my pain away...but it gives me hope.

I hope that you can find some way to get comfort.   C  S Lewis said this

"If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair."

I personally find truth in the Bible...you may find what you think is truth somewhere else. But I really hope that you can find comfort from somewhere.

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Permalink Reply by Linda Engberg on March 10, 2017 at 6:46am

Dennis,

Thanks for your input, I hope one day I will find peace.

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Permalink Reply by Jean on March 11, 2017 at 1:52am

Linda, I am sad that you have all of this happening. My best friend has dementia and pretty much pushed me away about a year ago. It's like she is gone but not really. She and my mother were good friends and I am now without my two best friends. It sucks. I am wondering if it is worth paying someone to be my sounding board? Or am I better off sorting all of this out on my own. I do have plenty to get done around the house and plenty of furry friends that do seem to care. I am all alone. I love my husband very much but we do not have the connection like I had with my mother and a few other friends. Sadly most of my friends have serious illnesses. MS.....PLS....Graves Disease. AD....I do call them and leave messages but rarely get a reply. So like I said maybe I should pay someone to talk too? I do not think that would help since the people in my life thus far I did not have to pay.

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Permalink Reply by Jennifer on March 12, 2017 at 4:58pm

Linda, I understand the losses you were dealt. I lost my Mommy (2017),  marriage (2011), Grandmom (2005), Granny (2015), Eric / Cuz (2012), Letha (Brain Cancer, 2015), and Jennifer (Breast Cancer, 2014). Letha and Jennifer were my best friends.

I wished I could answer why they all left this world in such a horrible way with Cancer. Letha and Jenn both died of some form of cancer. After dealing with so much loss I had two choices; I could either get angry at God and get bitter which just brought worse anxiety and depression and definitely meant I had no hope or try to just accept that what was, was. I'd gotten mad at God and blamed Him for so much in my life going wrong.

God took three pivotal people in my life: Grandmom (Mom's mom), Granny (Dad's Mom), and my dear Mama from me within a 15 year time span. I mean these women were my everything. My support system. My spiritual mothers. I was mad at God for Grandmom's death for a while. I didn't understand His ways or His sovereignty.

I'm not assuming how you feel, we all process grief and loss differently. I'm not saying your mad at God or you don't believe, none of that. I'm just sharing with you what I've gone through. I did the, "God please take me instead of them." prayer. I bargained until I was blue in the face with God.

I've lost my husband, by his choice. He is up walking around alive with another woman to this day and it kills me. My marriage flat out died and I mourn it everyday I wake up. It is an open sore that just won't heal. God somehow gives me the grace to make it through each day without cracking up over that alone. Divorce is like a death. I've experienced death with all those I've mentioned. It feels the same. The grief is the same.

Do you have children? I don't have children. I don't have a husband. I don't have anyone but my God. He is more powerful than anything this life can throw at me. My dad is here and my brother who lives in OH. My dad is all I have to be honest out of the worldly support system God gave me. I can't talk to him about my grief because he is grieving and you know what he's dealing with on a daily basis. I understand the loneliness and the wishing the spouse was there with me... but he's still alive.

I'm saying that I am all alone in this life now. I only have myself to depend on. Those I depended on are gone now in heaven. God is my only lifeline to faith building and wisdom. HE is my EVERYTHING. If you are a believer hold onto Him like Jacob did. Use this time to wrestle with Him. Work through your grief with HIm. Talk to Him in prayer. Tell Him how you feel. Tell Him you can't go through this alone and you need Him. Psalm 121 is the one thing I keep telling everyone on this site to read. It has been such a true comfort to me throughout this entire ordeal with my Mommy.

Psalm 121New Living Translation (NLT)

Psalm 121

A song for pilgrims ascending to Jerusalem.

¹ I look up to the mountains—
    does my help come from there?
² My help comes from the Lord,
    who made heaven and earth!

³ He will not let you stumble;
    the one who watches over you will not slumber.
⁴ Indeed, he who watches over Israel
    never slumbers or sleeps.

⁵ The Lord himself watches over you!
    The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade.
⁶ The sun will not harm you by day,
    nor the moon at night.

⁷ The Lord keeps you from all harm
    and watches over your life.
⁸ The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go,
    both now and forever.

New Living Translation (NLT)

Holy Bible. New Living Translation copyright© 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Publishers Inc.

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