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Permalink Reply by Marlee on February 23, 2012 at 6:48pm

I too lost my mom at a young age. My mom passed away from brain cancer when I was 18. (I'm now 20) Just like you and your mom, my mom was my absolute best friend. It will be 2 years in May since my mom has passed, and I still find that I go through times similar to yours. I have some good days where I can manage the pain, and then I have other days where it just seems to be too much to handle. For me, exercise is one of the best things for me. I like to go on long runs or go to the gym to workout, and it truly helps me manage my emotions on the days that I'm having a really difficult time. I'm also a total animal lover, and enjoy spending some time with my dogs and horses when I'm really upset because they make me happy. I know that may sound silly to some people, but I just feel like animals will listen to what you say without being judgmental. However, I don't always have that opportunity since I live away since I'm currently going to college. Another thing that I try to do is surround myself with my friends, because they always help cheer me up. I couldn't have made it through without the help from them. 

You definitely aren't alone though, and I've found that telling myself that helps me too. At the time it seems like you're the only one going through something like this, but there are so many people going through the same thing. Like I said..it's almost been 2 years since my mom passed and it hasn't gotten any easier for me. But I just try to take one day at a time and tell myself that my mom would want me to be happy and I fight through each and every day the best I can to make her proud. 

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Permalink Reply by Chelsea Wilson on February 24, 2012 at 8:06am

Marlee, thank your for sharing your experience. I'm really sorry to hear about your mother's situation, and the pain that you're feeling. You're definitely right--combining friends/family members who cannot really relate to such a death with my inclination to isolate myself, it's very easy to feel alone. It's comforting to hear that that's not the case, though. 

Thank you again for the advice, and please, please feel free to contact me if you want someone to talk to or whatnot. I'm sure anything I say won't be of much help, but the offer's there. Take care.

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Permalink Reply by Marlee on February 24, 2012 at 4:05pm

And you do the same! I'm not always the best at trying to give advice to people, but I just like letting people know that they aren't alone and never have to go through hard times without the support from others. I hope that you find something that works for you to help you manage your pain. My family/friends have been telling me I should go talk to a counselor which I am considering. That might be something to look into for yourself too. My brother who is 27 just recently started going and he is beyond happy with the progress he is making. He's been through a lot..more than just losing our mom and he said that he wishes he would have went a lot sooner, which has motivated me to think about going as well. 

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Permalink Reply by Dick on February 24, 2012 at 10:48pm

I support your decision not to push the pain down, you must let it out. I choose to grieve after work each and every day in the garden and talk to my father, son, and god. I do this alone. I think it helps me.

I belong to a support group and I really like it because everyone is in the same situation and can understand the pain. I have chosen not to use medications and I have completely given up any alcohol so I can feel. When I have people try to cheer me up, I excuse myself. If I am happy again; it will be on my timetable.

I have guilt as well, so you are not alone. Breathe peace.

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Permalink Reply by Cindi B on February 29, 2012 at 3:27pm

I know exactly what you mean. I lost my Mom 8 months ago. I get really angry and resentful to my friends all the time. Either when they try to cheer me up, or talk bad about their parents, or when they seem to have totally forgot my Mom all together. I'm in a constant battle with my emotions. I'm trying to learn to just allow myself to feel them, but not always act on them. It's not always easy, but what about any of this is?

When Mom passed I had so many estate issues to deal with that I suppressed a lot of emotion, and as you said, when I finally could let it out it was there ten fold.

I wish I had some good advice or comforting words. All I can say is you're not alone. It's something that brings me comfort sometimes.

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Permalink Reply by Theresa on March 1, 2012 at 8:39am

Hey. I, too, am 19. I lost my mother 4 years ago on friday, also due to alchoholism. I feel for you strongly. Everything you are experiencing is totally normal and it's important to remember that you're entitled to every feeling you have. It's fine to be resentful towards those that have parents because they will frankly never understand it until they go through it themselves. For the not so happy days, all I can say is they get less intense but you must never do yourself injustice by not letting your emotions come. Please, take it from me, I wouldn't want someone to end up in my position and be taken over by grief. I've come to terms with it now but for a long time I was consumed with the sadness, anger and everything inbetween, only because I had never let myself feel anything. Allow yourself time to feel and don't be judgemental towards yourself for expressing and experiencing your emotions. Best of luck, don't hesitate to make contact if needed. Sometimes, it really is easier to talk to someone who has a better understanding of your situation. ~Theresa

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