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I miss my dad
Hi, I just lost my dad 3 weeks ago unexpectedly...
I was having such a great day at work. I actually remember thinking to myself at work ...wow..I`m in such a great mood.
I went to the upstairs cafeteria with a coworker and as I was coming back down to my desk another coworker said, "Hey, I know your ringtone...its the music from Casper"...I was like, "Oh, my phone rang while I was gone?" and she said "Yeah, a couple times"....I look at my phone and saw that it was my mom calling. She never calls my cell phone during the day...we usually converse over work email all day. I immediately had the pit in my stomach.
I saw 5+ missed calls. I called her right back. She answered crying, "Honey, you need to come home, daddy had a heart attack"....I dropped everything...I was shaking so bad I could barely think. I went into the meeting my boss was having and told her I had to go. She wanted to drive me but I just rushed out of the building. As I got outside the building, tears and all, I thought to myself..."What? whats going on here...where am I going...What hospital am I going to drive to?"
I called my mom back and I asked her, "Mom, where am I going??! What hospital is dad at?" and there was a long pause as I hear my mom force out the words, "No, honey, daddy`s gone. Hes dead"
The walk to my car was the longest walk I have ever taken. The drive to my parents house was the longest drive I have ever taken. I`m sure the people downtown thought I was a crazy person. I was in shock. I didn't believe what she told me. I had just seen my dad the day before last....how could this be? The whole way home I kept repeating.. THIS IS NOT REAL. THIS IS NOT HAPPENING. MY DAD IS OK...I CAN FIX THIS.
I finally got to my parents house and as I drove up there were two cop cars out front. My dad was still in the house. What happened was, my dad usually calls my mom at work around 9ish to kind of check in and see how her day is going. (This is a Monday) ...Well, my mom didn't get my dad`s call so she called him. No answer. Thought to herself.."well, maybe hes out for a drive or in the shower"...she tried calling around 10..no answer...so she repeatedly called the house phone and his cell phone...no answer...She raced home...went in the house...looked in the bedroom to see he wasn't in there and thought for a moment., "ok, he just left his phone at home...he must be out"....then she saw the bathroom door slightly open with the light on....He was still in a standing position and rigomortis had set in.
My mom found him at home dead. The coroner said he had a massive heart attack and went quickly.
I cannot believe my dad is gone. I`m only 26 years old and am getting married in 2 MONTHS. The pain is unbelievable. I think about him ALL the time. Every minute of every hour. I get this pit in my stomach...and the anxiousness isn't going away. Its like that feeling you get before a big interview or speech...I have that constantly. I feel so horrible for my mom. I hate seeing her cry and upset.
His death makes me question a lot of things about life. I never really was religious in any way...but I always thought people died to be put in a better place...to end their suffering and pain....but my dad loved his life. He loved us so much...I cant imagine him being in a better place than with us here....
I cant picture my life without my dad. In the last couple years we became pretty close. I always made sure to kiss him on the cheek and give him a hug everytime I would leave their home. I moved closer to my parents because I loved them so much and loved being around them.
I dont know what to do at this point. Reality is starting to hit now and its raining hard.
Views: 1093
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on
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i to feal low today had to go to another funrell today a family 1 1 day yr old baby i hate it wen kids die and good peopel who never hurt any 1 die
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Permalink Reply by Sharon Pugh on
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death is always sad, no matter what the age. Whoever dies always means something to the ppl they leave behind :( Cant stop crying tonight. I feel so low :( I just hate the feeling that he's gone and nothing is going to help
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iv cryed on and off non stop sinse my dad died this yer u and yore dad soned close like me and my dad wer wen im fealing low wish is a lot lately i wite him a leter on a ballon and take it to the semetry and let it go i still feal sad but it allways pops like my dad trying to say hello or playing jokes on me and mum mums allways my dad has me has bad as him self ther is a few of us on hear that hav dads who allways made us laff
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yeah he was my best bud in the world. he made me laugh loads. the house is so quiet and empty without his daft sense of humour. i miss chatting to him so much. wish i cud be up there with him
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same hear my mumis my best frend and so woz my dad i allways say that to my mum and my dad wud say sum of the funist thngs i sum tims used to thnk he mad thm up or dream thm up he woz that funny he wozent religesges but woz a good dad and a good man i allways laft wen he told me him and his mate went in to church to keap dry coz it woz raining and wen it stopet he com out of church and stud in a big pile of dog sh~t and wot made it worse and funny they we his best shoes
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aw thats funny lol, he sounds great fun. Aw dads rock dont they xx
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theres a few of us i met on hear whos dads rock and that ar the same as yore dad i sum tims thn dads r comedians who make us laf
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my dad was awesome, the best pal ever
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my dad woz good to he had heart of gold very kind and loving like a lot of dads on i love my dad page
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Liz
I have 22 years on you, I had time to say good bye to my Dad. Your Dad sounds a lot like mine, he loved his family fiercely and life. Dad loved nothing more than going into a room of family or friends and socializing. Unlike your Dad mine had liver disease from an unknown cause. Like yourself I cannot imagine Dad being anywhere better than with those who love him, the ones he left behind. I had a year and a half to prepare for his passing. I can tell you the pain and feelings you describe are the ones I feel, it breaks my heart to see my mother cry. Dad was her only love, they would have celebrated their 50th anniversary next month. Sitting in the home they shared is difficult, I keep expecting him to walk in the door or down the hall. When I call I half hope he will answer the phone, I still find myself saying "I will have to ask Dad about that", I dread the upcoming holiday season, my father loved Thanksgiving and Christmas. Life without Dad is tough, he was my hero, my biggest fan (second only to my husband and daughter), and supporter. Amazing to read the work stories, my Dad's last two weeks with us was in a hospice center in the same city I worked in, I got the call from Mom that his condition had deteriorated and we needed to come. He passed two days later. I miss him, I feel like part of me went with him and other times I feel like a child lost in a crowd that just wants their Dad. It's been three months since we buried him, I went into their home this week to pick up something and all the pain rushed back. I broke down again and sobbed the pain was incredible. The only thing is unlike someone who lost their parent suddenly, I had time to tell him how much I loved him, was grateful for all the love he gave me, and left nothing unsaid.
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Permalink Reply by Liz on
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UPDATE-
2 months after my dad died, my only grandma passed (my mom`s mom) She was 89 years old. She was the only thing left in my mother and my life that was habit. We visited her every week. We knew her time was limited because she had dementia and Alzheimers, but whenever she had check ups at the doctors, she seemed to be in pretty damn good health so we figured we could hold on to her to keep us busy after my dads death....she had a stroke and digressed very quickly. I spend 40 hours at her beside until she took her last breath. I loved my grandma so much. I miss her deeply. It was so hard because her death brought back all the emotions from my dads death and made it that much harder...I got married. I ended up having a small court house ceremony because it was too stressful and hard on me to walk down an actual aisle with over 150 people starring at me ....probably crying because my dad isn't beside me...
We had a big reception party up at the Island where our family cottage is at. It was a very mixed emotion kind of day. I was happy to see all my friends ...but I was also torn inside holding back tears because I knew my dad never saw me in my wedding dress.. and he was not a part of this special day with all his friends and family. It broke me.
So here we are today... exactly 4 months later from my dads death.. and 2 months for my grandma....and its horrible. Everyday is a struggle. I cry almost everyday....I think about them ALL the time. It consumes me.
I`m starting my 3rd semester of my MBA next week so hopefully that will keep me a little occupied now that the wedding is over.
I signed up for group counseling this Fall for "20 somethings" that have lost a loved one. I`m hopeful. I don't have any friends in my life that have experienced loss like me, so its really hard to talk to anyone but my mom about it. We are each others support system. My mom is in the group for death of spouses and she said it helps to talk to people that are going through the same thing.
I had dreams about my dad last night... I can exactly remember what they were but when my alarm went off...I kept hitting the snooze so I could go back into my dream and see his face again. Everything around me reminds me of him. I have a lot of furniture in my home that he refurbished for me. The Island that our cottage is on is now up to my mom and myself to keep it going... my dad was always the leader. ....
People at work think everything's OK bc I try not to show emotion there.... so its like.. OK... she had her week off to grieve.... shes back to normal.. shes fine... BUT IM NOT .
I`m lost...and I don't know when i`ll be found again.
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im the same i misss my dad like krazy i never thort it wood hurt lik this i dont want to thnk of xmas coz it woz my dads tim his bday on boxing day so he allways got extra spolit i keep on tarking to his foto asking him to cum bac it makes it worse wen u r so close my grand mother died wen she woz 89 to but that woz yrs ago i cant rember he yer i no my dad wud wite the anaversy doon of all the family and frens death or cut thm out of the paper so i wud put in a scrao book so i wudnt fogey i get anoyed wen pepol say i shud get over it but i cant he woz the 1 that kept the family togeta hed be very upset at the family now argung all the tim fiting over money and wills coz we hav all bean told we shud start and rite our wills out but the way sum people hav bean caring on and bulying iv desided wot iv got will pay toward my funwell and the rest will go to charty my harf big brotha has saed the sam coz of seren people well 1 person sum 1 who shud reapect her elders
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