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Permalink Reply by Joy on July 24, 2018 at 11:23pm

Hi Xavier, I’m so sorry you lost your mom. That to me is the worst pain In the world. My mama died last May and I’m not the same person either and will never be. Like you, only God has kept me going. If not for him, I would’ve dropped dead by now.  I feel like a shell of my former self, so I can totally relate to your post. Like you, I was and still am traumatized seeing my mama dying in the hospital, watching them do CPR on her. It was so surreal. I felt like I was outside my body watching the whole thing. 

Grief is one of those things you can’t rush through.  You have to take one day at a time, even when you feel like you’re going crazy.  It sucks when you don’t have the right support structure. I relate to that too. You aren’t alone in your pain. I pray that God will help you through this.

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Permalink Reply by Xavier on July 25, 2018 at 6:16pm

Thank you Joy I’m living through a very difficult time in my life right now it seems as if it’s never going to get better but I pray daily and ask God to help me through this. And I understand you where you’re coming from I know for you seeing that sight of your mom getting CPR was hell for you I know you felt like dying with her! Because honestly I thought I was gonna die along with my mom when they pronounced her dead. It’s an extremely weird feeling to not having her here anymore...

Joy I’m glad I can connect with you and others here to help me cope with my grief I pray that God brings us all out of this because it’s a very difficult time for us all. It’s very scary I almost feel like I’m living in a nightmare daily, a nightmare I can’t wake up from.

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Permalink Reply by Joy on July 25, 2018 at 8:06pm

Xavier, your post touched me in a way that only another grieving person can understand.  Our situations are very silmilar. I cried reading it because I can feel from your words how much you love her.  I love my mama too. We were extremely close. I think sometimes kids think their parents will live forever.  I lost my dad 16 years ago, I grieved for him, but his death does not even compare with losing mom. I loved him, but wasn’t as close to him. 

I don’t want to live in this world without my mom. I’m not suicidal, but I have asked God to take me because I can’t cope. The idea of never seeing her again this side of heaven is too much. I think about her all day every day.  Sometimes when I’m at work, I get distracted and then I think that I need to call mama about something. Only to realize she’s gone.  She lived with me and I took care of her.  So I’m constantly reminded of her absence every day. I know how you feel about your life being a nightmare. I wake up with panic attacks.  It’s gotten a little better as she’s been gone a little over a year now, but mornings are still hard as we would talk and drink coffee together.  

I take it from the picture that’s you and your mama. You look just like her. I feel scared a lot too. I’m a grown woman but I feel like an orphan.  

I had to face her illness and death alone, so this has helped me to be more compassionate to others going through similar situations.  Let’s stay in touch and support one another.  I don’t want you to have to go through what I went through so I want to help you if only to give you encouragement. 

There are a lot of other people on this board who are very caring.  I hope this helps if even a little bit.  I’ll be praying for your peace and strength.  

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Permalink Reply by Avi on July 26, 2018 at 2:58am

Hi Xavier. 

This is Avi from India. I lost my mom on 15 May 18 due to Cancer. 

I can understand each and every word on your post as she died in front of me in the hospital. More to add to my agony is that I was not near to her when she died, I was with my family outside ICU consoling my father and sister. Then when I came inside, she was gone and I could not say last goodbye to my dear mom and not the last kiss on her forehead. She suffered immensely for 20 days after the blood transfusion and I still believe that she was supposed to live long. 

In such grief, you are bound to be upset and feel devastated but the biggest setback for humans is that they can question the boss, the government but not the almighty. In this case, you can just accept with a hope that someday you will be united with your loved one somewhere. 

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Permalink Reply by Dennis C. on July 27, 2018 at 11:56am

I am so sorry for your loss.

I gain strength from the hope we have for the future. I believe that we WILL be reunited with our loved ones.

The Bible gives us this promise:

 John 5:25 — “Most truly I say to you, the hour is coming, and it is now, when the dead will hear the voice of the Son of God, and those who have paid attention will live.

We even have recorded events in the Bible when loved ones were reunited by a resurrection. One of them is here:

Mark 5:41,42 — Then, taking the hand of the child, he said to her: “Talʹi·tha cuʹmi,” which, when translated, means: “Little girl, I say to you, get up!” 42 And immediately the girl rose and began walking. (She was 12 years old.) And at once they were beside themselves with great ecstasy.

This is Account is about a 12 year old girl who had died. When Jesus ressurected her the family was “beside themselves with great ecstasy.”

We will feel that way to...when we are reunited with our loved ones. 

I know now it doesn’t take your pain and loneliness away, but if it gives you HOPE,  then you may be able to cope a little better. 

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Permalink Reply by Avi on July 28, 2018 at 1:19am

Thanks Dennis. Your statement has given a lot of hope to me who wishes that I will be reunited with my mother some day some where. 

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Permalink Reply by Andrew Evans on September 9, 2018 at 6:12am

I have lost my dear Mam early hours Wednesday I am heartbroken.Her birthday would have been this coming Tuesday.

            I hope we are able to share in our grief and console each other a t this awful time

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Permalink Reply by Andrew Evans on September 9, 2018 at 6:22am

As yourself I shared so many happy times with Mam throughout our time together and this will see to enrich our memories of them. GOD bless us one and all.

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Permalink Reply by Chanzy on July 28, 2019 at 9:39am

I'm so sorry for your lost .. I just lost my momma today to liver cancer and I feel lost and confused she was my everything and always will be I took care of her till her last breath she let me know that she knew me and my little brother were there taking care of her I didn't want to let her go but she was in so much pain I couldn't see her like that anymore my family tells me to be strong but it's not as easy as they think I don't know how I'm going to get over this pain I've never felt before

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