My daddy was a us navy veteran who brutually killed himself on September 27, 2017 at the age of 51.

My Daddy had become really emotionally sick in recent years. He was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. Which of course he didn't believe because he thought that was the Va trying to control him. He became really hard to be around as he has these crazy conspiracy theories and he heard and saw things that didn't exist that proved to him he was right. Then he started believing people were out to kill him. I was at the store with him once and he lost it in middle of the store because some man was chasing him with a weapon... Only that man didn't exist outside of his mind. He became angry and occasionally violent. He started having outbursts regardless of where he was, ie in middle of a restaurant we were at for my sons 10th birthday.

Then came the suicide notes. He sent many of them to both my brothers and I. To his brother and his best friend. We tried so hard to get him help over the past five years but it proved difficult. Somehow he never quite fit the criteria to be forced into getting help and he wouldn't go on his own. He became irate at us. He thought we were trying to lock him away. He said some very, very hurtful things to me that under normal circumstances he would never say.

I started getting irrational nonsensical letters that were on average between forty and a hundred pages of gibberish. Then he started doing it on facebook. One of his postings reads this "Roger Roy booms Ring of Fire for a redbox seven ate another Click to Graceland thee pink Hello Kitty This Elvis dress under House arrest. She riff a rafter can to grow cotton Maryland. A bending snap chipper from a block of Swiss cheese Tina Turner molds for Pokemon. Wink Suzie 12 times five. You feeling ME? If not, send the Coast Guard to hear ME. This Elvis can't keep it all IN." I couldn't understand what he was trying to say and he grew frustrated that we couldnt because it made sense to him.

After 14 year sober, he started drinking again very heavily. He told me he was either going to go to rehab or kill himself. He promised me he would go to rehab.

He went on a trip for 5 months visiting people on the east coast that he hadn't seen in many many years. When he was there... He told people he was dying of cancer and wanted to say his goodbyes. He didnt have cancer.

3 weeks before his death he asked me to come over. He wanted my husband to have his truck or he was going to donate it. When we were there he wasn't the same. He was rational and level headed. Back to the Daddy-o I remembered from childhood. He was apologizing for things he did and said during the past 5 years. Then he gave me his dog tags and said i would need them for after he jumped off a bridge. He said this in front of my child. He made my son tell his papa goodbye because papa was "going to jump off a bridge and die."

He started calling me daily begging me to leave work and come be with him. I live 2.5 hours away. I work as a cna in a nursing hime and abandoning the residents can get me in alot of legal trouble so i couldnt.

2 weeks later... He tried to od on a med thats not fatal in high doses. There is a recording on the va crisis line of him saying what he did. The va sent the police out and they came out. No one called me. I didn't know. If i had... I would have found a way to be there. They were checking on him frequently after that.

A week after that he cut his wrists, walkes around his houae for a while, and then cut his neck which caused him to bleed out fast. The house had blood everywhere. There was even a piece of his skin from hus wrist on the kitchen floor

My youngest brother... Who is autistic... Lived with my dad. He came home from work and found him like that. My sister doesnt believe my dad would do this and is accusing the whole family of sitting around and watching my autistic brother kill my dad. She says we all are lazy and dont work and just wanted a handout from my dad and were going to get it by any means necessary. She is the only one out of the 4 of us kids not working or paying her own bills.

The investigators said based on the wounds and the way he bleed out it isnt possible anyone else could have inflicted them.

This whole thing is a nightmare. Everything makes me cry.

Does this ever get better?