Three weeks ago I lost the love of my life to breast cancer.  I did everything I could for her.  My story appears here, if you're interested.  https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/8/topics/843804

The grief has been the hardest thing in my life.  My mother died a year and a half ago, but (and I hate to say it), this is so much worse.  This is my partner.  We called and e-mailed each other 20 times per day.  We had our own silly little inside jokes that we constant repeated.

I feel destroyed.  I am seeing grief counselors and take anti-anxiety medication when I can't handle it.  I like long walks.   I talk to her.  I look up at the sky a lot.  I wonder if she feels my love for her, or my anguish.  I am not religious, but I hope we can eventually be together forever.  

Here's the problem:  I don't want to ever even try to replace her. Ever.   But the house is empty, I am desperately lonely, and wouldn't mind having something physical with someone.   I haven't had that in a long time and really miss it.  I wonder if I did that if it would disrespect her memory.  I wonder if she can still see me, and if that would hurt her (I know that sounds crazy).  On the other hand, she's not here, and someone to share something physical with could be calming and allow me to feel better during the worst time of my life.  No love, no relationship other than maybe a friendship, but the touch of someone else.

I kind of feel on one side that anything I do to help myself through this is okay - as long as I am not hurting others.  On the other hand, I won't want to do anything that would be morally wrong or disrespect my GF.

Any suggestions?  Thanks.

Views: 463

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

I don't even have my words yet as I lost my Husband just 2 weeks ago but since no one here has spoke to me . I want to let you know I see you. 

Thank you for writing.  I am so sorry for your loss.  I can barely imagine what you are going through, but you're not alone in this.  

I'm sorry, Stephanie.  People here tend to be quite nice, so feel free to jump into threads/conversations.

I'm sorry you are going through this shit too.

I think it's different for each person, and only you can really know or decide what you think is right. For me, there will never be anyone other than my husband, in any way (emotionally, sexually, etc.).  For you, your path might be different.  If there's an afterlife where your partner exists, and if she can "see" you, then I'm sure she knows how much pain you are in, and I doubt she would be angry, but I don't know her, that's why really you're the only one who can decide.

I would just caution you that sometimes people try to take advantage of grieving people, so please be careful about that, and also be careful that you don't end up using someone else (that is, if you both agree it's just a physical relationship, that's one thing, but if s/he believes it's something more then s/he could get hurt, so make sure that you establish what you both want first).

You seem to share my same problem. Coming home day after day to a empty lonely house. No one to hold hands with or cuddle anymore. No one could ever replace my husband, nor would I want to.  My this whole thing scares me to death. I feel like every finding someone else would be like betrayal, but yet the thought of being alone terrifies me. I don't think I would ever marry again, but maybe just a companion oneday.  I have a 17 year old shipping off to college next year.  How old are you, do you have any children?

RSS

Latest Activity

Speed Weasel commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"GriefShare is a church based support group. They do have meetings online, but the usual format is a group of people experiencing a loss getting together weekly to watch videos (13 weeks total) about grief and loss. After the video, we talk about the…"
Oct 21
Natasha commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"is griefshare a website like this?"
Oct 21
dream moon JO B updated their profile
Oct 16
Morgan Sangrouber is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Oct 10
Addie replied to Kali's discussion It was not supposed to be like this in the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
"Kali I’m so so sorry you are going through this. Grief is hard enough, but going through it secretly, all the while having to continue showing up for your kids, is just brutal. Perhaps your friend was careful to hide your conversations behind…"
Sep 26
Kali added a discussion to the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
Thumbnail

It was not supposed to be like this

In 2014 I met the most amazing man ever. We were both in our very early 20s and were looking for different things at the time. We ceased communication for roughly 6 months. During which time, he completed basic training and joined the Air Force. By the time we reconnected he was already at his first duty station.. 8 hours away.We decided we wanted to continue our relationship and proceeded to cultivate a deeply emotional connection. Regular calls and video chats, visits while he was home on…See More
Sep 26
Kali joined Cathy Richardson's group
Thumbnail

Being the Other Woman/Other Man

This is for anyone who has lost their lover to death and you were the other woman/other man in their life. We have to grieve in silence. I can't find any support groups and feel like I'm the only one going through this situationSee More
Sep 25
Profile IconKali and Bridget Baker joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Sep 25

© 2024   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service