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Permalink Reply by michael sandoval on January 29, 2011 at 2:17pm

Dear Dj.

I am sorry for your loss.  My condolences.

 

I can relate to your story.  Mine is very similar.  Too similar.  We didn't say goodbye either.  Like you, I thought it was another hospital trip to get her fixed and come back home, like so many others.  But this one was different.  She didn't come home.  And I am still reliving that day over and over and over.  Those final days haunt my mind because if I had known, we would have talked of so many things.  I would have said so many things.  Now all I do is cry.

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Permalink Reply by DJ on February 9, 2011 at 12:24am

I am sorry for your loss Michael. So many trips to the hospital and so many trips home. I hope you find peace. I am trying. i've been told crying is a part of grief. And my sister says that crying about Lisa's passing honors her memory and is evidence that her life mattered and that she is missed.

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Permalink Reply by Rachel Lynn Schuler on February 8, 2011 at 12:44am

you didnt know that would be the last, and funny thing is, with my mom?  well I knew her time was coming soon, I was told by the doctors, then a doctor seemed to think she was doing a little better and gave me hope....so, I went to the hospital, thinking she was doing better to visit her....when I walked in, I knew that was the last day she would be alive....she was in intensive care....I didnt think too much about it first, but, I was there with her for quite a few hours, went home, and got the call that she was going to pass that night.....I am so thankful I was with her the day she died, and I did get to tell her I loved her a few days before, the day she died she was too out of it to communicate....I said my goodbyes after she died, but that was weird cause she wasnt there anymore....anyways, I just thought I would share :) 

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Permalink Reply by Rachel Lynn Schuler on February 8, 2011 at 12:46am

if I may add....I think actually saying goodbye is even harder, so maybe in a way its a godsend that you didnt?  if you think on it....because they are never really gone, well physically here true....but....I just try and make people feel better about the whole thing

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Permalink Reply by DJ on February 9, 2011 at 12:17am

my condolences on your mom's passing.

 

my mom passed 21 years ago March 7, 1990. I couldn't be there. She was on a morphine drip and she wasn't coherent anymore. I don't remember too much about those last couple days. I knew she would pass that day. I left a few hours earlier to get clothes from my apartment about 2 hours away. I couldn't stand the idea of watching her take her last breath.

 

On the other hand with Lisa, I felt the need to be by her side until the very end even though she couldn't communicate with me. I think maybe I just wish I could have told her one more time that I loved her or rather that I could have heard her tell me one more time that she loved me. She used to ask me if I knew, really knew that she loved me. I did. I told her I did. I loved her too. I just miss her.

 

I appreciate your sharing. You sound positive and hopeful and I struggle with the hopeful part right now.

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Permalink Reply by Rachel Lynn Schuler on February 9, 2011 at 5:47pm

Michael, I replied to you in another group too, I want you to not be so sad somehow....but I know how you feel cause I have NO joy....I'm just a mess....if my health was ok, I think I could handle things just a little better....and its hard about not saying goodbye, or just not getting the chance to be with that person much before they go,my mom was so out of it and confused and weird that I didnt get that time with her I really wanted, plus, I hadnt seen her for a year before she was hospitalized, so I hate that I didnt get time with her....she had been sick alot, but not severely sick like in the hospital....so its so unfair I got so little time with her....dang I miss her so bad....I will not think about it, then when I talk about it it all comes back....

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Permalink Reply by Diane Grell on February 25, 2011 at 9:24am

Good Morning!

 

My dad passed away at 3:00 am 20 years ago. No one expected it. Although he was sick and kept promising mom he would see the Doctor. On friday morning, he finally called and made the appointment for Monday. He died that sunday. It was very hard for the whole family not being able to say good-bye and letting him know we loved him.

My father was creamated. The folks at the creamatorium were awesome. They let us have a private ceremony (showing) before the creamation. It was just the immediate family members there. When they had learned that none of us got to say good-bye, they told us how some other families coped with this problem that helped them bring closure to their lives.

Write a letter to the person or persons and tell them what you want to tell them. Tell them everything. Then take it outside or burn it in an ashtray. It is said the words float to heaven and to the heart of the person it was meant for.

We all went home from the creamatorium that day and we all wrote letters, Mom, my 2 sisters, Grandma, and we helped the 7 grandkids compose letters. When we were all done we took them outside and burned them the grill. We all felt better afterward.

Anyway, I just thought I would share this with you.

 

Diane

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