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Permalink Reply by Lindsay on March 1, 2016 at 11:09am

I'm very sorry for your loss.

I went through something similar. I was dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years and he broke up with me for his ex. I was very hurt. I never spoke to him afterward because I was humiliated. One week later his friend called me to tell me my ex, of one week, had died. It was an accidental overdose and he died in his sleep after being out drinking and then taking the drugs. This was 13 months ago and the pain still overwhelms me at times.

Try to focus on surviving, one hour at a time. It is going to be hard for a while. I know what it is like to question yourself, wondering if there was something you could have done, seen any signs that he was struggling. You're in the thick of it right now. Be gentle on yourself. Contrary to what others may suggest, I do believe it is healthy to look back and try to look for the clues of the addiction or the issues he was struggling with. I don't suggest you do this right away and I do suggest you do this with the help of a counselor or therapist.

Hugs oooxo

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Permalink Reply by Missmybubby on March 1, 2016 at 5:22pm

Thank you for your empathy. It is one hour at a time is in it. There were things in the past but didn't quite make sense. But I believe the story thinking that he was getting it together. We obviously had her ups and downs which is why we divorced and he had to sew his oats I guess but....we got back together twice and I kicked him out both times. He did come home with the crack pipe the first time and gave me a story on how it was some other persons but left it in his car because he was investigating the homeless lifestyle in Cas he ever end up homeless....my first mistake was in believing that it was not his. Looking through his emails it appears he has been hooked since that time. He turned his life over to God supposedly which I do believe that happened because all of his writings indicate that but they also indicate his struggle. his mom told me long ago he was diagnosed with bipolar long ago which was called manic-depressive back again. It's a long story one it doesn't matter To u I suppose....but I think you can relate a little bit, and that you lost your boyfriend to someone else, Then drugs....I lost mine to drugs, and then finding out that he had a knife I didn't know about. I am seeing a counselor and Thursday but this is truly the most devastating thing I've ever been through and it's unbearable and sometimes I wish I would just die in my sleep .... i'm sorry for your pain and what you went through as well and the fact that we can never talk to them again is devastating. I don't know what else to say this is a cruel world

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