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Permalink Reply by Kathy S McBee on April 2, 2012 at 9:43pm

Lord knows I don't have any answers for you. I haven't been there. My heart goes out to you. It physically hurts to know where you must be in dealing with this - people's bad decisions can tear worlds apart.

Maybe the only thread to deal with is 'allow this person to ruin more of my life.' Moving on means cutting that thread and it's a huge thread to try to cut. Neither of us can say what that killer's experience is in taking a life. The most human part of me hopes it's tearing them apart; I'm not very forgiving with that. 

In the worst times of my life, I've heard a couple of passages of the Bible come out. They're tough passages. "Vengeance is mine - I will repay, sayeth the Lord." Another says to be kind to our enemies, for by doing this, we heap hot coals upon their heads. Neither seems very edifying. Still, in places where other choices are distant and life offers little comfort, they feel like they have some merit. Popular teaching tells us that forgiveness isn't for the other person - it's for us to move on. I think the key is in these passages.

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Permalink Reply by P.L. on April 4, 2012 at 7:44pm

I too am waiting for the agonizingly slow justice system to act. My fiancee was killed in August 2011, by a reckless act, not outright murder, but I still havve the same anger. I don't have any answers for you. I just wanted you to know you are not alone.

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Permalink Reply by Ruth on April 5, 2012 at 8:02pm

Hello again Amanda and Sad greetings to you PL

I haven't posted in ages but life was very much in the way.  First my husband's illness and then finally the trial of the murderer of my father.  I was told I would never see that day by many people including the first State Assistant Attorney General after the "big book" of evidence ( all the agencies involved) was compiled.  I could tell from the investigators they KNEW who had done this evil thing and I could NOT accept that person would get away with it just because the county DA lacked the courage to present the state's case, let the chips fall where they may. I posted editorials, kept in contact with all the police agencies and finally put the bug in ear of the State Attorney General's office that I would call the FBI as well as sue civilly to investigate them if I needed, to see charges pursued.  One accidentally (Providence working) federally (didn't know they were on the fed. radar) connected call to one I only knew to be passionate about kids learning social justice,  and voila, it was dropped into a team of angels laps.  This team were the brightest, kindest, dedicated, knowledgeable, hardworking people I have ever met.  That's why our governor wants to screw them out of their pay and benefits.  They were brilliant and  223 weeks after the discovery of my dad's body, a jury finally convicted my dad's murderer last week.  It was the best birthday present ever.  The sentencing is on the 12th.  I am a different person since the trial began AND the verdict.  I am renewed though still grieving but my energy and vitality feel like they are flooding back to me again. I have always had a strong faith though I doubted it over the last 4+ years.  Many times I have had to pray, "lord, I believe. Help Thou my unbelief."  I will be on here more from now on.  I will pray for you both in the meantime.  I DO know what it is like to drag your body around, wondering why you are left behind to suffer, wondering if you are safe, frightened it could literally be anybody.  I must go for now but felt moved by Spirit to check and knew I had to respond right away.  God Bless Amanda and PL, Ruth

PS I give thanks and praise to our Father in Heaven to whom I constantly prayed "Lead, guide, direct this investigation and prosecution.  Touch our hearts and minds, bringing healing to all whom this crime has harmed.  I ask this in Jesus' precious name. Thank you, Abba. Amen"  I witness that prayer is answered in many wondrous and strange ways as we agree together on asking G~d's will.

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Permalink Reply by Ruth on June 4, 2012 at 8:18am

Hello Amanda, How are you doing? I have been praying w/you all this time. I am so sorry I haven't had time to post here.  I found out a couple of months ago I was likely to be laid off and it was official notice 3 weeks ago. Very devastating. This is the 5th layoff in our family in the last 7 years. My son last fall, my husband January 2011(back to work after 3 wks), Sept 2005-July 2007, and April 2008-Feb 2009.

What hurts the most is they had a choice of 9 people to lay off and they chose me, after all the other loss I've had. I NEED MY JOB $$$ (some there don't) I don't cost the most, I am not the most or least seniority, I do have the most education in my position and the largest skill set. I start crying every time I think of how proud Daddy was when I got this job that followed in my mommy's footsteps. My boss KNEW school was my happy place.  OK, I'll stop now. I'm so sorry. I meant to encourage you, not very good at it right now. It's just that I'm unlikely to get a position doing the same thing in another district. They are in the same boat, cuts everywhere.

How are you guys doing? How is your precious son? I am so glad you have him, it makes me smile just to type it. We mommas are the world's strongest people. We truly are, it gives us tenacity. Has any progress been made in the investigation? Have you talked with detectives lately? Is there just one jurisdiction involved? I'll back off on the questions now but Know I am on it if you wish. Brainstorming. Prayer.  I got sidetracked and had to edit this, still too much on my mind. It has been getting better, so I want the same or better for your family. The world is a wondrous place, even including the heartaches, that make us reach out to each other.  I have to go, but our ripples are touching and overlapping, hopefully washing and cleansing our wounds. Have a blessed week Amanda, Ruth

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Permalink Reply by Amanda Ab on June 5, 2012 at 2:29pm

Hello Ruth.

Thank you for your comment. I understand how that goes with employers. I just hate the fact that many employers just dont appreciate what a good employee someone can be. it upsets me.

I still deal with too much pain and even guilt at times. I have had many of the "what if's" hunt me often. Spoke to detective last week and are continuing their investigation into new leads. So, at least I know case is active and not forgotten. I just cant believe a murderer who kills with no remorse whatsoever can still be free, enjoying life, familily. be living!!. Just cant get over that, and will never will until we get Justice. Just look forward to one day getting an arest and ultimately a prosecution and sentencing.

 

Did your dad's sentencing trial happened already? how did it go? did you get to write impact staments?

 

take care,

Amanda

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