Sometimes when a person is in your life, you take them for granted and dont appreciate them as much as you should. Now that they moved on to the next life, it is too little, too late to say I'm sorry. My brother died and left behind a child. I hope I can be a better aunt than I was a sister. And even that doesnt make up for the fact, I couldve been a better sister. I should have never underestimated him. When he died, I thought it had something to do with drugs or something bad. Come to find out, he was an innocent bystander during a shooting.   He had perfect attendance in school, he was in touch with his emotions and was looking for a job to take care of his child. He was a much better young man than I ever gave him credit for. And just when I wanted to get closer to him like we used to be when we were kids, he dies. Now it feels like its too late to do anything.  The last time I saw him, he was helping me move into my dorm. It never crossed my mind that would be the last time I would see him alive. I shouldve spent more time with him or called him more. I thought I had time to make things right, He was only 17, and after everything he already went through, it never crossed my mind that God wouldnt have mercy on us and let things get better. I thought God would give us more time. But obviously he is too busy giving the evil people everything they want. I guess there was no room to help siblings get close to each other again. Now I can never take back any angry words or actions toward him. I couldve received a second chance. Some people in the world are rapists and abusers, and they get chance after chance. But i guess with me, it was too little, too late. I have to practically beg God to let things get better, but he can throw negativity so easy. To quote Jim Carey in Bruce Almighty " God is a mean kid sitting on an anthill with a magnifying glass and I'm the ant. He could fix my life in 5 minutes if he wanted to, but he would rather burn off my feelers and watch me squirm" Sigh.....

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Shantell, i am so so sorry for your loss.  I am sorry you can't recorrect with your brother.  put the love you had for your brother towards his child.  I'm sure he will need everything he can get to make it through this life.  I'm not a very religious person, I do believe in God but it's hard for me to serve him in my daily life.  My brother swears it's the only way to get through life.  I envy him, wish I had his faith and devotion. 

 

I can understand your frustration.  Keep posting and let us know how you're doing.

 

Linda

I still believe, but I dont know why God takes the best people.

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