Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
Senior year of high school started last week for me. I don't know what to do. I work so hard, I try to be the best person I can be, and I don't take people for granted. I take care of my responsibilities, breathe deep when I get a chance, and make sure to let the sun in.
But. This. Pain. Is. Killing. Me. I can't think about my twin. I see him in my mind and immediately have to hold back tears. My thoughts cease. It feels like cars crashing in my brain. He's supposed to be HERE with ME, I literally feel sick without him.
Every day in school I do all my work, I talk to friends, I stay on top of things... but it's gotten so bad I can't even get through the school day without freaking out. We were in all the same classes since kindergarten. Whenever I go to the bathroom, if I'm alone for just a second, I have to think, "Don't cry, don't cry..."
Today I got so desperate that I actually texted/emailed/facebooked all my best friends and close cousins privately about it. I NEVER talk about my twin because it's so hard. I haven't said anything about him since our birthday in May. And today I finally asked for help.
One cousin straight up IGNORED it. A few friends just wrote, "Aw, man I don't have a lot of experience in that field, sorry Molls..." A few wrote back frowny faces. Nobody wanted to deal with it.
Like... I hardly ever ask for help, man. But I NEED it now, I need help, I don't know what to do, I'm so sick and desperate and sad and I don't know how to live like this, God I miss him.
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Hi Mel,
I would say it will get easier and I really hope it does for you. I wish you a good senior year and continue to be strong but know you don't have to! I am here if you need to talk and vent or even just break down. I wish that you didn't have to go thru it the way you are feeling. Just know it IS ok to cry get angry and be sad. If you allow yourself to do this you will hopefully find some peace and a way to get thru the moment, day, week...etc. I wish you well. I'm here.
Hugs,
Lisa
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