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Permalink Reply by Kathy S McBee on September 29, 2012 at 8:34pm

Oh, hon, I can feel you. There are many times I wish I still had my career to throw myself into. It's good that you're letting those spurts of crying come through. That's part of the process.

Life won't stop and wait for you to deal with everything. The bills will still come, the election will come and go, and your grief will still be there. When it's hard, it's hard. When it's not, it's not. Feeling guilty won't help you with that.

Cancer is an ugly thing. I find myself amazed that you had her as long as you did after she was diagnosed. 3 of 4 people that I lost in two years (2010-2011) died of cancer. It was a matter of months with each. For me, and I think for you, it doesn't help to think that we had time taking care of them as they were passing. From the past, I think that will change. Back in 1979, I heard that it was important to be with your loved ones before they passed on - not to make the funeral. As I helped care for my grandmother, I had no idea how much that experience would help me in this latest round. 

I haven't sought out grief counseling - but won't speak against it. What's important is to put your guilt to rest. We all have guilt about something with our losses. As we process our loss, we know there is something (realistic or not) more that we could have done. It sounds like you did all that she would have hoped for. That's what is important.

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Permalink Reply by Jayne on October 6, 2012 at 9:34pm

I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. I too just lost my beautiful mom this past July and I have been devastated. She was healthy and full of life and then got Pancreatic Cancer out of nowhere. It is so hard to live day to  day without her presence and talking to her. I tried a group and it helped althoguh I realize nothing will bring her back.

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Permalink Reply by Diana on October 9, 2012 at 10:56pm

Grier,

I understand your grief. Ole believe me I do. I lost my mother on August 21, 2012. I dont know where to start as far as the grieving stages are concerned. I lost my mother in her sleep. She died of hypertensive cardiovascular disease. I still cry every day. The pain comes on more deeply at night time. I know that these holidays,her birthday and Mother's day are gonna hit me the hardest. I still be thinking that I can call her on the phone to talk to her. That thought hurts me the most because she's gone now. I also miss hearing her voice and seeing her. I feel sooooo empty inside like there's a big hole in my heart. I still have a knot in my stomach from crying. Im just now being able to actually write and talk about my mother. I miss her soooooo much.

 

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