Right after my sons wreck a few days after 
We got home I went looking for my gun my husband
Didn't say anything . He knw what I was looking for
Finally he told me he sold it . I was mad . About a 
Month ago he said ok maybe I am safe with one 
Now. But we didn't have the money for me to get one
I always kept a gun for protection . I told him yesterday
I'm guess it's good I don't have one cause as we rode
By the wreck scene thinking of my sons birthday
I had the strongest urge . No I'm not a Bad person
At all 
But I would shoot this man the way I am feeling right now
And the bad thing is it wouldn't bother me to do itt
That's scary to me 
Why should he live tho 
Why does he have his daughters and holidays and birthdays
When I don't 
. Why won't they arrest him . Now I understand why
People become vigilantes I really do . Well after yesterday
Hubby said I won't have a gun for a very long time . Ok 
But I can still go to his house and ask how he feels 
To know he killed my son.ask him is he happy. 
He has never said sorry nothing . I hate him I really really hate him

Views: 88

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

I'm glad you know you are not a bad person for having these thoughts. You have way more self-control than many people would in your situation. I cannot possibly imagine what it is like to go through the death of a child, but I hope that your pain will ease with time. Your story - along with countless others on here - has touched me quite a lot. I sobbed the first time I read it. I just want you to know..you're a really strong person.
Hi Starr, when I read your post, I just had to reply.  Believe me, I know your pain...although my son was killed in a single car accident, his best friend was in a car behind him and was not injured or anything, which I am glad for, but still I feel cheated.  I can understand why you would feel the way you do, but think about this:  Which would be harder to live with? A loving son who is now with our Father in heaven, or what if he had to live with what this man does?  I know if I were him, I would have rather died in the wreck than to live with what this man does.  After my son's death, I have come to realize that there are worse things than dying.  It has been 5 years for me, and I am trying to find a way to celebrate Matt's life.  We are doing things like putting his name on a memorial brick on a local walking bridge that is being restored.  Also we are considering making a donation to a local animal shelter in his name. (He loved animals).  And really, even if he & his whole family died, it wouldn't help.  Your pain would still exist.  I cannot imagine your pain in that situation, but we are all hurting on this site, and I just wanted you to know that I hope my son and your son will become friends in heaven.  Patti

RSS

Latest Activity

Speed Weasel commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"GriefShare is a church based support group. They do have meetings online, but the usual format is a group of people experiencing a loss getting together weekly to watch videos (13 weeks total) about grief and loss. After the video, we talk about the…"
Oct 21
Natasha commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"is griefshare a website like this?"
Oct 21
dream moon JO B updated their profile
Oct 16
Morgan Sangrouber is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Oct 10
Addie replied to Kali's discussion It was not supposed to be like this in the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
"Kali I’m so so sorry you are going through this. Grief is hard enough, but going through it secretly, all the while having to continue showing up for your kids, is just brutal. Perhaps your friend was careful to hide your conversations behind…"
Sep 26
Kali added a discussion to the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
Thumbnail

It was not supposed to be like this

In 2014 I met the most amazing man ever. We were both in our very early 20s and were looking for different things at the time. We ceased communication for roughly 6 months. During which time, he completed basic training and joined the Air Force. By the time we reconnected he was already at his first duty station.. 8 hours away.We decided we wanted to continue our relationship and proceeded to cultivate a deeply emotional connection. Regular calls and video chats, visits while he was home on…See More
Sep 26
Kali joined Cathy Richardson's group
Thumbnail

Being the Other Woman/Other Man

This is for anyone who has lost their lover to death and you were the other woman/other man in their life. We have to grieve in silence. I can't find any support groups and feel like I'm the only one going through this situationSee More
Sep 25
Profile IconKali and Bridget Baker joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Sep 25

© 2024   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service