For the non- religious- where do we go when we die?

I titled this post for the non-religious simply because I don't know what I believe. I have always been very analytical and I am trying to wrap my head around death which is so abstract.

Where do we go when we die if it's not a place dictated by religion? I fully support those with strong faith and am so grateful that those people are comforted by their faith. It's just that my mind has always considered a wide variety of options, making it far more difficult to bring my brain any peace.

This is not a post to encourage people to respond trying to convert me to religion so please don't attempt that. I just want to invite others to share their non-religious beliefs about where we go when we die. Do you believe our bodies have energy that can never be destroyed? Do you believe that the essence on someone it around you and can communicate with you?

I'm just so confused. My mother at age 84 died quite suddenly only a month ago. We knew she was sick, but we went for answers and she only spent one night in hospital and died the next day due to having been over-medicated on opioid medication through the night. We know the hospital made a mistake, the doctor admitted it, but we would never be able to deal with the emotional agony of holding them accountable for it. The truth is, we know that if she had lived, she would have had few remaining years and they would have all been full of treatments, hospitals and pain.

I still want something I can hold on to though. Just knowing it probably spared her pain in the long term is not enough. ,I have so many questions for which there are no answers. I want to know if my mom knew she was going to die, why did she use all the energy she had to fling her arm over me as I stood by her bedside when she had no strength, was totally out of it, and couldn't breath, was she mad at me for not understanding she couldn't breath, was she mad that I didn't do something more to help. What was she trying to tell me, or was she not even aware she did that, was it just an involuntary burst of energy!?

After they rolled her our of her room to the ICU I want to know if was she ever in any pain before she died. Did she know they were putting a tube down her throat and into her stomach and a port in her neck? Did she feel it?

I looked at her Face when she flung her arm over me as I stood at her bedside, her eyes had pinpoint pupils and she appeared vacant. I can't understand why I didn't say anything to her. I should have said "mom, can you hear me" , "mom, we are getting help".... but I just ran out of the room and called a nurse. Did my mom know I tried? It had been raining that day and The moment right after we were told she died there was a huge crack of lightening in the sky. Was that her?

I'm sorry, I'm so off topic....I just have so many questions and it defies my logic not to have answers. I wish sometimes I could just turn my brain off and accept there are just no answers sometimes....so sorry for rambling....I'm having a rough day.

My heart goes out to all of you who have lost loved ones.

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Permalink Reply by Lynda on May 24, 2017 at 7:30am
Hi Dennis,

Thanks for sharing. My dad says the same thing you just said and that the best we can do for our loved ones is to help them have the most pain-free death possible. No suffering, just go to sleep.

In an earlier post I mentioned my mother was admitted to hospital march 29th and died on the 30th. She indeed had a lymphoma that was rapidly progressing but on the evening of the 29th when we left her there she was talking to us, in the morning she was concious but looked to be a zombie, just staring with pin point pupils and a look on her face which I am at a loss to describe. She looked miserable, confused, I don't know. The doctor admitted the nurse made a mistake and over medicated her with opioids. Dilaudid to be more specific.

So back to your point about going to sleep. Even though the hospital made an error, as angry as that makes me, I do hope it meant that it put her in a state where she didn't know what was going on and simply went to sleep. Certainly when I saw her she looked out of it, slurred speech. Even though, I've now got her medical files and they say NOTHING about this. I jus hope they didn't give her narcan to "bring her around" when they admitted her to ICU as it would have made her concious long enough to recognize she was dying. . The records say that she was responding to commands to move her arms and legs but when I saw her only moments before she went to icu there would have been no way she should have responded like that. Can people who are full of morphine type medications be out of it and still respond to commands ?

Sorry, just thinking out loud....I am sure you are not a doctor...I guess I should ask one this question.

Anyway Dennis, I hope you are right because I always told my mom that dying would be like the best sleep she ever had.

Lynda
Permalink Reply by Jean on May 24, 2017 at 10:06pm

Your loss of your mother is still very new and everyone grieves differently at their own pace. We will never forget them. My own mother was well aware of everything going on up until about 36 hours before she passed away. I was the one that walked into her hospital room where they were keeping her comfortable because once pneumonia sets in that is it. I really never understood when she told me pneumonia is an old persons best friend at their time to go.

My mother was always there for me just like yours. They taught us everything we know to just keep doing the best we can with their advice over our lifetimes. I am still heart broken without her to say the least. I can tell you it has taken over 4 years for me to get used to having to either talk to her out loud because we both talked to ourselves when alone. I enjoy being alone most of the time. I know rambling on again. Dennis is referring to the bible I think trying to help as best he can.

This has been a really hard month. My husband and I were hoping for a calm year at least with the people we know. That is not happening so we are once again feeling lost and in shock from losing our dear friend May 8th and finding out his brother needs a heart transplant ASAP on the way home from our friends memorial of all the worst times.

It is all so very overwhelming. We are staying close to home for this memorial weekend to try and reflect and try to find peace.  By the way I was 49 when my dear mother passed away. I was her youngest. We were best friends.

Permalink Reply by Lynda on May 25, 2017 at 2:35pm
Hi Jean, I'm so sorry to hear of your additional loss of your dear friend and having to cope with the knowledge of his brothers new challenges. It makes the heart feel pretty heavy. I'm glad to hear that you've taken so time out to find peace. I'm trying to do that too, but it goes in waves. Yesterday I kept myself busy doing gardening and today I'm sick as a dog and have been in bed all day. I have the worst headache and congestion. Probably just the way our bodies force us to avoid auto pilot and slow down.

Sending you comforting thoughts....
Permalink Reply by Jean on May 25, 2017 at 11:44pm

Thank you and I hope you feel better soon. You do need to rest.

It is my husbands brother that needs the heart transplant. Hoping for the best since he is in the hands of the VA doctors. They seem to be moving at a very fast pace to get him help. He just had his 51st birthday today. So pretty young for this. I am doing my very best to stay calm and try to keep my husband calm too. Not easy to do.

Be kind to yourself.

Permalink Reply by Dennis C. on May 26, 2017 at 6:40am
Lynda,

I spend a LOT of time in hospitals visiting people who suffer from a variety of deseases and illnesses. I volunteer at a huge hospital that people travel from around the world to. I have experienced being in the room with patients in every sort of condition. I spent time with a lot of patients fully intubated, medically comatose, heavily sedated. I have been told by EVERY specialist I've spoken to that the patients in these conditions feel no pain...but they hear you, and can respond to stimuli. Of course this varies on a case by case basis.

Because of this I speak to every patient I see, no matter what their condition. I have also seen patients very sedated respond by squeezing a finger with their hands. And some do not.

It does sound like your Mom just fell asleep. Responsive to stimuli but unaware of her surroundings, or her condition. If that makes sense.




Her
Permalink Reply by joanne on May 26, 2017 at 3:37pm

Dennis, I just wanted to ask you your opinion because you say you spent lots of times visiting people in hospital and say that patients of all conditions can hear us, do you think that my husband could hear me, he suffered a cardiac arrest, but was resuscitated and placed on life support , we were then told he suffered a lack of oxygen to his brain and that they would have to turn off the ventilator,  for thirteen days I sat at his beside talking to him, his eyes were open and he appeared to be looking at me (although the docters told me he wasn't really looking at me) do you think he could hear me talking to him? I would really value your honesty and opinion. X jo 

Permalink Reply by Dennis C. on May 28, 2017 at 7:34am
Joanne

The brain is an amazing thing. I have known cases where it just felt like there was no way the patient could hear, but when they recovered it was clear that they did hear.

I ALWAYS proceed with the confidence that the patient can hear what I say. As long as the heart is beating they need to know that someone cares.

Your devotion, love, and time spent was NOT in vain. I am sure that he knew you were there.
Permalink Reply by joanne on May 28, 2017 at 11:16am

Thankyou Dennis xx

Permalink Reply by Lynda on May 27, 2017 at 7:42am

Thanks for the comforting words Dennis, I sure hope you are right.

Permalink Reply by Lynda on May 24, 2017 at 7:36am
Dennis I replied to your post beneath the next post..oops must have hit the wrong reply button, so read below Jeans post.
Permalink Reply by Richard Rivera on May 27, 2017 at 1:49pm
Dennis:

I'm not a religious person by no means. It doesn't mean that I can't be a spiritual person.

I have spoken to many people regarding their experience of life after death and they cannot explain it. Oh sure the "lack of Oxygen' was one of the many
Permalink Reply by Richard Rivera on May 27, 2017 at 2:27pm
Explanations. Yet many of
NDE 's recount seeing dead relatives who died before them as well as seeing those relatives and family who died whom they've never met or Relatives who only later after they were resuscitated that they discovered they once lived and never met.

One person I spoke with told me while he was being operated he suffered a heart attack so hrGthe surgeons working on while he was outside and said he had a full 360° .

I could go on and on but I doubt either of us will change Our viewpoint.

I will finish by telling you the surgeon who took care of me while I was in the hospital confided afterward he believes in life after death because as he put it "there's definitely something beyond." And I cannot ignore it.

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