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Permalink Reply by Maura Simms on May 22, 2012 at 9:29pm

He is freaking out, wanting to numb the pain, probably wanting things to be "normal" again.  I guess you'll have to humor him and hope for the best.  I feel for the women in his path and hope they have the compassion to figure out what's going on. I just tried dating websites after 9 months and had a disastrous experience.  I think I'd rather hang out at bars if given a choice.  At least you can see what's coming!

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Permalink Reply by anna l. on May 22, 2012 at 10:09pm

I am really sorry your best friend, your mom is gone!  So much sadness.  I cant imagine almost a year after my husband died that I will ever and I mean it ever want another man in my life in that way again.  But that is me.  Everyone has to travel this grief journey on their own.  I wonder if you dad was so well taken care of by your mom and two daughters that now he does not know how to take care of himself?  Does he know how to cook?  Has someone shown him how to do all the things he has never had to do for himself?  I miss being needed so much.  I miss cooking for my husband.  I miss doing his laundry.  Maybe your dad is missing having that done for him as much as he misses the companionship of a woman.  Just my thoughts.

 

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Permalink Reply by Shauna on May 23, 2012 at 11:51am

He is entirely self sufficient and always has been. They had a partnership, 50/50. My Mom never waited on him hand and foot.

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Permalink Reply by LaKisha Kraft on May 23, 2012 at 7:32am

I know this all too well. My father passed, GOD rest his soul in 2005. My mother started dating 3 months after. One of her old boyfriends contacted her and it started from there. She did it not to be lonely. My parents were married for 32 years. I didn't agree with it and both guys wanted her for what she can do monetarily. I believe the last boyfriend she had stressed her to the point where she passed also. She passed 6 months ago. It's good that you are being supportive. I was too but deep down inside all I can remember is the many years she woke up and went to bed with my dad.

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Permalink Reply by Helen Roberts on June 5, 2012 at 12:35am

Hi Shauna, Everyone grieves in their own way, I  lost my husband of 29 years in January and although I thought of him as my soulmate and  was devastated by his sudden death, I too started looking at online dating sites. I think it is because the loss leaves you feeling so alone and you somehow think that void can be filled by someone else. I haven't dated anyone yet because I know it probably wouldn't work out . Your Dad is probably just trying to fill the void in his heart left by your Mom. Try not to be too hard on him. It doesn't mean he doesn't miss your Mom. Take care, Helen.

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Permalink Reply by Marjorie on June 7, 2012 at 11:55pm

Hi,I understand how hard this must be for you. My mom died almost a year ago on June 9th.  She had been sick for 5 years and my dad was her main caregiver.  2 weeks after mom died my dad had a blind date and they immediately bonded and are getting married in September.  Your circumstances are different, as my parents are 10 years older than yours, and married for 40 years,  and my mom was ill for a long time.  However, I have felt that my dad just jumped right into a relationship, and didn't really grieve my mom.

He is so happy though.  he still talks about mom and his fiance is a widow herself, and just 2 years younger than he. She is financially set, so that isn't a worry.

The problem for me is that I am jealous that my mom isn't still here.  I like his new lady, but wish that it was my mom who was getting to go on the cruises and trips. She is great with the grandkids, but it should be my mom instead of her.

I have been outwardly supportive of my dads decisions, I feel like he should be enjoying life and If Mary makes him happy, then I am happy for him.  But I am sad that it's not my mom instead- but she is dead. 

It's so hard to be the better person and support your dad, but you don't want to lose him too.

I also think that we have more than one soulmate, and maybe my dad was lucky enough to find another one.  My advice to you is to be open minded and get to know any "lady friend" of his so you can screen her (!) and make sure she isn't out to take advantage of him.  In the long run, he deserves to be happy and truth be told, most people don't want to be alone. The way I am looking at it is I may gain a good friend with Mary and if nothing else, my dad is happy. It is really hard though cause I feel like my mom got shafted with her disease. Anyway, it's okay to be wary, but your dad probably just wants to enjoy the rest of his life, and our mom's aren't coming back. In my eyes it's better to support and be active, than to alienate and lose him too.  I'm so sorry you lost your mom. Marjorie

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