Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
This is kind of a tangled mess, but it's been weighing heavily on my mind for a few months now. I apologize for the length, but it feels like I need to explain part of my story to explain my grief. I've lived with severe clinical depression for 17 years now, and attempted suicide twice during that time, the second one being 3 years ago. When I survived, I felt so profoundly lost and broken that I was numb to much of the world, but I realized I needed help, and so I checked into an inpatient care facility. That's where I met my friend, A. I was the newest person on the unit, and only a few weeks out of my suicide attempt, and I was terrified - I didn't know what kind of people I'd be meeting there.
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James,
Your post is very eloquent, both in its emotional content and in its expression. It is very clear that A. was and is an important person to you, in your life. Her death does not change her importance to you, as I'm sure you realize. Some souls are meant to be together, and the length of time spent together in "life" is not always an indication of the important of the relationship. Also, while her death is sad, it is a loving testament and tribute to her that you became a social worker.
It sounds as though you are very aware of your own emotional/mental status, and if you think it's a good idea to get some help dealing with your grief, then it probably is. Do you have a therapist with whom you feel comfortable speaking about all this?
I am speaking to my therapist tomorrow, and trying to find a local grief support group I can join for more targeted help. It's just... it brings a lot of emotion to the surface that I have difficulty expressing, let alone dealing with. I find myself tearing up at odd times or places, for no other reason than thoughts of her cross my mind. I don't understand how I can talk, and think, about my own experiences so easily, and yet when she comes to mind it;s like an emotional gut-punch.
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