Death of my 21 yr old Nephew

My nephew died suddenly on 09/07/2021.  He was in the shower then headed to his barber.  According to the barber Ryan never showed up.  My sister and Ryan's girlfriend got to the house around 3:00pm and found him dead in the shower.  So Ryan died around 12pm instead of 3pm.

I got to the hospital as fast as I could, but he'd already been pronounced before arriving to the hospital.  We got to visit with him for a couple of hours but he still had a neck brace on and intubation tube in. He looked like he was sleeping.  No bruising, no blood.

His first autopsy came back inconclusive because he was a healthy kid.  Of course there were some people that said that it was probably drugs or suicide but none of those people really knew the person Ryan was.

Last week we got the results from the 2nd autopsy with a preliminary cause of death as myocarditis.  A virus that attacked his heart which caused the electrical part of his heart to stop working causing his death.  Myocarditis is also known as Sudden Death Syndrome.

I know I should feel better now knowing the cause for us losing him WAY too soon but I don't feel better.  Dying suddenly doesn't mean dying instantly.  Was he aware of what was happening to him?  Was he in pain?  Did he call out for help?

I'm in therapy but it's slow moving.  I loved this boy more than anything and was looking forward to watching him build his future.  He had it all planned out.  We lost a family member.  His girlfriend lost her future and his best friend lost a person he considered a brother.  We're all grieving differently because we all loved him differently.

I just want him back.

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Permalink Reply by bluebird on November 3, 2021 at 8:28pm

That's horrible; I'm so sorry.  I agree with your last sentence: "We're all grieving differently because we all loved him differently". Hopefully you, his parents, other family members, his girlfriend, his best friend, and his other friends, can all rely on each other for support.

Permalink Reply by Kris on November 4, 2021 at 8:00am

It's been hard to support each other because we don't understand the others grief.  My sister, for instance, makes it clear that she's grieving the most because she was his mother.  I tried to explain that what she says is true but it doesn't mean I love him less, just different.  I may only be "the aunt" but, I helped raise Ryan and mold him into the man that he was so it hurts when she says I can't possibly understand her grief.

Permalink Reply by bluebird on November 9, 2021 at 4:18pm

When people are grieving, especially deeply, it's difficult for them to understand how difficult the loss of the person is to others who loved her/him as well. From what you've said, you probably understand more than anyone else what your sister is feeling, since you were like a second mother to your nephew. I wouldn't recommend arguing or discussing about whose grief is "worse", as that serves no one -- as much as possible, it's good to just turn to each other for comfort.

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