I get so angry at myself, at the whole situation!!! I'm so tired and angry for feeling this way over and over!! there are days where I'm OK, and then all of a sudden I'm reliving his death all over again! It's a living hell!! Just as I start to feel a little peace, I'm pulled right back to this hellish nightmare!! I know it's only been six weeks, but having this yo-yo effect is torture! I've come to acknowledge that he's gone and I will never see him or hear his voice again, I know that! (I'll never accept it!!!) but I know he's gone forever, and my life will never be the same. I hate this empty feeling, the void! I just want to let go and live a happy and peaceful life.

Views: 225

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

In our lives we get very used to getting through things at a pretty rapid pace. Nothing will ever approach the extreme shakiness of what we now perceive as life.  Nothing is certain, stable or understood.  Its a different place we live now, just like you said………"my life will never be the same."

Flora,

The emptiness just seems to go on and on.  I lost my sweet love just two months ago.  This from my journal:

 I feel lost, waiting for my Mary Kay to walk in the door, or call on the phone.  Then I just sit here and bawl my eyes out.  There is no escape from the pain.  I ask God to have mercy on me.

Two months my sweet darling Mary Kay has been gone.  She was my everything on this earth.  I am lost, adrift, no destination, no motivation, just existing in a sea of pain, despair and anguish. 

Today, exhausted as usual.  I feel a change today - it is hitting home that my sweet Mary Kay is gone from this earth, never to return.  I am left with figuring out how I am going to exist without her.  Nothing good about this. 

"There is no past that we can bring back by longing for it.  Only a present that builds and creates itself as the past  withdraws."  -  Author unknown.

 

yep no fealin im so mad it evry thng iv bean put thru sien 2012 sinse 2112 u cud say loss/loses mest me up ilnes mest me up 

so sorry 2 hear abot yore lss 2

I was so moved by your post, Flora. When I suffered a heartbreaking loss of a loved one several years ago I experienced those same feelings. But I happened to read a brochure (When Someone You Love Dies) that helped me to understand that anger is a part of the grieving process just as is sadness, disbelief, denial and shock. Please don't be too hard on yourself - six weeks is not a very long time to come to grips with such a monumental loss. And though it is true that after a death of a loved one, our lives do change in unexpected and sometimes unwanted ways,that brochure helped me to appreciate that our dead loved ones are not gone forever. God has promised to undo death by means of a resurrection and to reunite us with our loved ones again. This promise has brought me comfort and hope. I hope that in time you will find some comfort in that promise as well. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

RSS

Latest Activity

Gary Ruby is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Tuesday
Julie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Nov 5
Speed Weasel commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"GriefShare is a church based support group. They do have meetings online, but the usual format is a group of people experiencing a loss getting together weekly to watch videos (13 weeks total) about grief and loss. After the video, we talk about the…"
Oct 21
Natasha commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"is griefshare a website like this?"
Oct 21
dream moon JO B updated their profile
Oct 16
Morgan Sangrouber is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Oct 10
Addie replied to Kali's discussion It was not supposed to be like this in the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
"Kali I’m so so sorry you are going through this. Grief is hard enough, but going through it secretly, all the while having to continue showing up for your kids, is just brutal. Perhaps your friend was careful to hide your conversations behind…"
Sep 26
Kali added a discussion to the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
Thumbnail

It was not supposed to be like this

In 2014 I met the most amazing man ever. We were both in our very early 20s and were looking for different things at the time. We ceased communication for roughly 6 months. During which time, he completed basic training and joined the Air Force. By the time we reconnected he was already at his first duty station.. 8 hours away.We decided we wanted to continue our relationship and proceeded to cultivate a deeply emotional connection. Regular calls and video chats, visits while he was home on…See More
Sep 26

© 2024   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service