"GriefShare is a church based support group. They do have meetings online, but the usual format is a group of people experiencing a loss getting together weekly to watch videos (13 weeks total) about grief and loss. After the video, we talk about the…"
Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
7 STAGES OF GRIEF - CONTINUED
2. PAIN & GUILT
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciatring and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs. You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.
3. ANGER & BARGAINING -
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarrqanted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.
4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECION< LONELINESS -
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helful to you during this stage of grieving. During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your llost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.
5. THE UPWARD TURN -
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.
6. RECONSTRUCTION 7 WORKING THROUGH -
aS YOU BECOME MORE FUNTIONAL, YOUR MIND STARTS WORKING AGAIN, AND YOU WILL FIND YOURSELF SEEKING REALISTIC SOLUTIONS TO PROBLEMS POSED BY LIFE WITHOUT YOUR LOVED ONE. yOU WILL START TO WORK ON PRACTICAL AND FINANCIAL PROBLEMS AND RECONSTRUCTING YOURSELF AND YOUR LIFE WITHOUT HIM OR HER.
7. ACCEPTANCE 7 HOPE -
DURING THIS, THE LAST OF THE SEVEN STAGES IN THHIS GRIEF MODEL, YOU LEARN TO ACCEPT AND DEAL WITH THE REALITY OF YOUR SITUATION. ACCEPTANCE DOES NOT NECESSARILY MEAN INSTANT HAPPINESS. GIVEN THE PAIN AND TURMOIL YOU HAVE EXPERIENCED, YOU CAN NEVER RETURN TO THE CAREFEREE, UNTROUBLED YOU THAT EXISTED BEFORE THIS TRAGEDY. BUT YOU WILL FIND A WAY FORWARD
yOU WILL START TO LOOK FORWARD AND ACTUALLY PLAN THINGS FOR THE FUTURE. EVENTUALLY, YOU WILL BE ABLE TO THINK ABOUT YOUR LOST LOVED ONE WITHOUT PAIN; SADNESS, YES, BUT THE WRENCHING PAIN WILL BE GONE. YOU WILL ONCE AGAIN ANTICIPATE SOME GOOD TIMES TO COME, AND YES, EVEN FIND JOY AGAIN IN THE EXPERIENCE OF LIVING.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by sharon on
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Did you read all 7 stages - i did and let me tell you there is some of them fits in for me . i still have guilt after my mom died and more likey u will carry that guilt for a long time.. yes the books were helpful for me and i had passed them down to my sister too wh needs it more then i do or did.
i still have my moments or a mommie moment or something she had made i will get a feather in my head and i have to do this and when i do i look at thee recipe and say Mom u were going to help me with this dish ,, didnt happan! why i tell my self way! my best of all i still try i always turn to my mom or my aunt for the cooking tip and now both are gone and shareing that recipe togather now.. looking down on me and guideing me thru it,
sharon
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Permalink Reply by Deborah Dodds on
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Hi Sharon, I read all 7 stages. I am in the 5th, 6th, & 7th stages now but still have anger issues, pain and lonliness but it is getting easier to plan for the future. My future is going back to school in the fall and interning at a substance abuse facility. I took a year off school which many thought was too long but I needed time for myself. I tried going back to school both semesters, but I just couldn't function.
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HI Deborah all i can say is do your best in what you want too become for your self and future.. and always remeber that she would be proud of you no matter what you do.. she would be smiling down aat you. i still have anger still after 1 year when my mom died,, it will get better in time there is times i still look at the clock and woundering if she will call me to chat for hours til end,, or i have flash backs and see her sitting at the kitchen table and eattin her breakfst and drinking her hot coca . or see her car pull up in front of my house to stay for servel days . I miss that times with my ma.. i know you will get through this its only time... i will keep you in my prayers deborah...
sharon
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Thanks for the prayers Sharon. It was my husband that got murdered. I lost my dad years ago and my mom in 1999 and my sister in 1997. I have lost my whole family and now my husband. He was the one true love of my life. (tears) It is one year this month on the 31st. And I am no doing too well. Lots of tears and sadness and I just don't care anymore about anything. I know I will get through this anniversary and I will carry on but right now it hurts so bad and is still so unbelievable that he is gone
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Oh my I can relate to the death anniversy dates both of my parents are gone as well and my dad has been gone 24 years on april 9th aand mom will be 2 years in november ladst year on 2nd of nov, i had o have surgey done and my kids were help ful because they called and we talked about memberies that they had of their grandma, and my sis called too and that day was not easy but we made it .. its for me beca use i still get mail for my mom and i am the one who has to deal with it all and its hard for me to do that because i am respoble for the bills. makes me cry still over her death but as the years to come i am thankful for her 88 years she had with us ,,
keep your chain up and i am here if u want to talk ,, take care
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