7 STAGES OF GRIEF - CONTINUED

2.  PAIN & GUILT

As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain.  Although excruciatring and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.  You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one.  Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3.  ANGER & BARGAINING -

Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarrqanted blame for the death on someone else.  Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result.  This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

4.  "DEPRESSION", REFLECION< LONELINESS -

Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you.  This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders.  Encouragement from others is not helful to you during this stage of grieving.  During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you.  You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your llost one, and focus on memories of the past.  You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

5.  THE UPWARD TURN -

As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized.  Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.

6.  RECONSTRUCTION 7 WORKING THROUGH -

aS YOU BECOME MORE FUNTIONAL, YOUR MIND STARTS WORKING AGAIN, AND YOU WILL FIND YOURSELF SEEKING REALISTIC SOLUTIONS TO PROBLEMS POSED BY LIFE WITHOUT YOUR LOVED ONE.  yOU WILL START TO WORK ON PRACTICAL AND FINANCIAL PROBLEMS AND RECONSTRUCTING YOURSELF AND YOUR LIFE WITHOUT HIM OR HER.

7.  ACCEPTANCE 7 HOPE -

DURING THIS, THE LAST OF THE SEVEN STAGES IN THHIS GRIEF MODEL, YOU LEARN TO ACCEPT AND DEAL WITH THE REALITY OF YOUR SITUATION.  ACCEPTANCE DOES NOT NECESSARILY MEAN INSTANT HAPPINESS.  GIVEN THE PAIN AND TURMOIL YOU HAVE EXPERIENCED, YOU CAN NEVER RETURN TO THE CAREFEREE, UNTROUBLED YOU THAT EXISTED BEFORE THIS TRAGEDY.  BUT YOU WILL FIND A WAY FORWARD

 

yOU WILL START TO LOOK FORWARD AND ACTUALLY PLAN THINGS FOR THE FUTURE.  EVENTUALLY, YOU WILL BE ABLE TO THINK ABOUT YOUR LOST LOVED ONE WITHOUT PAIN; SADNESS, YES, BUT THE WRENCHING PAIN WILL BE GONE.  YOU WILL ONCE AGAIN ANTICIPATE SOME GOOD TIMES TO COME, AND YES, EVEN FIND JOY AGAIN IN THE EXPERIENCE OF LIVING.

 

 

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Permalink Reply by sharon on May 14, 2011 at 1:57pm

Did  you  read  all 7 stages -  i did  and  let me tell you there  is some of them fits in for me .  i still  have guilt after my mom died  and  more  likey   u  will  carry that guilt  for a long time..  yes   the books   were helpful for me  and  i  had passed them down  to my sister too  wh needs  it  more   then i do or did.

 

i still  have my moments or a mommie moment or something  she had made i will get a feather in my head  and  i have to do this  and when  i  do i  look  at thee  recipe   and  say Mom    u were  going to help me  with this dish ,, didnt happan!   why   i  tell  my self way!   my best of all  i still  try   i always  turn to my mom  or  my aunt   for the cooking  tip  and now   both  are gone and shareing  that recipe  togather  now..  looking  down on me  and  guideing  me  thru it,

 

sharon

Permalink Reply by Deborah Dodds on May 14, 2011 at 5:16pm
Hi Sharon,  I read all 7 stages.  I am in the 5th, 6th, & 7th stages now but still have anger issues, pain and lonliness but it is getting easier to plan for the future.  My future is going back to school in the fall and interning at a substance abuse facility.  I took a year off school which many thought was too long but I needed time for myself.  I tried going back to school both semesters, but I just couldn't function.
Permalink Reply by sharon on May 14, 2011 at 5:51pm

HI Deborah  all i can say  is do your best in what you want too become for your self and future.. and always remeber  that she  would  be proud of you no matter what you do..  she would be smiling down aat you.  i still have anger still  after 1 year  when my mom died,,   it  will  get better in time  there  is times i still  look at the clock  and woundering if she  will call me to chat for hours til end,,  or  i  have flash backs  and see  her sitting at the kitchen table  and eattin  her  breakfst and  drinking  her  hot coca . or see  her  car pull up in front of my house to stay for servel days .  I miss  that times with my ma..  i know you will  get through this  its only time... i will  keep you in my prayers deborah...

sharon

Permalink Reply by Deborah Dodds on May 14, 2011 at 7:51pm
Thanks for the prayers Sharon.  It was my husband that got murdered.  I lost my dad years ago and my mom in 1999 and my sister in 1997.  I have lost my whole family and now my husband.  He was the one true love of my life.  (tears)  It is one year this month on the 31st.  And I am no doing too well.  Lots of tears and sadness and I just don't care anymore about anything.  I know I will get through this anniversary and I will carry on but right now it hurts so bad and is still so unbelievable that he is gone
Permalink Reply by sharon on May 14, 2011 at 8:47pm

Oh my  I can relate to the death anniversy dates   both  of my parents  are gone as well   and my dad  has  been gone 24 years  on april 9th aand mom  will be  2 years  in november  ladst year on 2nd of nov,  i had o have  surgey done  and my kids  were  help ful because  they called  and we talked about memberies that they had of their grandma,  and  my sis  called too and that day was  not  easy  but  we  made it .. its  for me   beca use  i still  get  mail for  my mom  and  i am the one who has to deal with it all and its  hard  for me to do that  because i am respoble for  the bills. makes   me  cry  still  over  her death  but  as  the years  to come  i  am thankful for her 88 years she had with  us ,,

keep your chain up  and i am here if u want to talk ,, take care

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